Take a Bite of My Heart Tonight
by wants2beawriter
Summary: Years after their breakup Finn and Rachel reunite. They can't seem to escape each other despite having become very different people.  AU/Future!Finchel Collaboration with the awesome iGoToExtremes
1. Chapter 1

We hope you enjoy our slightly dark Finn/Rachel A/U story. Feedback is not just welcomed but encouraged!

Disclaimer: We sadly do not own Glee, or certain things would be quite different!

_Here we go again  
I kinda wanna be more than friends  
So take it easy on me  
I'm afraid you're never satisfied._

_Here we go again  
We're sick like animals  
We play pretend  
You're just a cannibal_

_And I'm afraid I won't get out alive  
No I won't sleep tonight_

I won't Sleep Tonight

He knew it was her the minute he walked into the crowded night club. He always felt her presence, even after not seeing her for years, he just knew. Sighing, he glanced around the multi-colored light and fog filled room, noticing other men mesmerized by the scene unfolding in front of them. He inwardly groaned at the response the two women were getting from their sexually charged display. He honestly thought they might start a riot when Rachel pressed herself against the curvaceous blonde who was sliding up and down her tight body. The drunken idiot next to him nudged him with an elbow, displaying such a lecherous grin that Finn had to fight the urge not to beat him to a bloody pulp that instant. She might not be his girlfriend anymore, but he still wouldn't allow men to leer at her.

He ran his hand over his face, realizing that if he were being honest, he wasn't any better. In fact he was probably worse, because as he stood there, his body reacted as he remembered what it was like to hold her, kiss her, touch her, and hear her whimper his name as he buried himself inside of her. So, like a fool, he let his eyes roam her scantily clad body, hating that all the blood seemed to leave his brain and head south when the friend's delicate hands skimmed upwards from Rachel's tiny waist, along her rib cage and then gently brushed the swell of her breasts.

The girl he knew would never had allowed that type of touch to happen let alone encourage it, but there she was leaning her head back against her friend, her long dark hair tossed to the side, giving the other young woman access her to neck. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to get lost in the memory of how he had spent many an hour kissing that very spot. He wanted to storm over there and take her to the nearest hard surface to have his way with her. Cursing his own desires he shook his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath... only feel the heat of her stare on him. His eyes flew open and their eyes immediately locked, yet he couldn't move. He felt the guy next to him nudge him again and whisper something about Rachel staring at him, but he was already drowning in her hypnotic eyes and didn't bother listening.

She continued swaying seductively to the music, silently daring him to make a move. He wanted to go to her, but he was paralyzed by her sultry movements and remained rooted in place, watching her. She smirked and her eyes began roaming his body, before giving him a approving nod. When the hell had she become so brazen and bold? He grabbed his drink off the bar and downed it with one gulp hoping to cool the fire that was now coursing through his entire body. When she began sauntering towards him he swallowed the giant lump in his throat, hoping he could control the impulsive thoughts that were racing through his mind. When she reached him and slid a finger along his arm he shivered and knew long gone was the naïve girl he once knew. What had replaced her was a sexually charged goddess, who apparently knew just how much power she still held over him.

His eyes followed her finger as she teasingly ran it along his forearm. Even in the crowded the club everyone but the two of them disappeared. They locked eyes with one another, the air around them crackling with electricity. Neither spoke when he grabbed her hand pulling her towards him. He glanced around the club and then wordlessly led her towards a dimly lit back hallway.

Within seconds he had her pinned between his body and a hard brick wall. He knew that she deserved better, but he couldn't think past how much he wanted her and by the way she was responding, she wanted him just as much.

Her fingers were threaded in the back his hair, yanking him towards her. Their kisses were anything but romantic or sensual…rather they were demanding and rough. They bit and sucked each other's lips as their mouths and tongues mimicked what they both knew was about to happen. He stopped the assault on her now swollen lips and sucked hard on her neck and shoulder, lifting her up as she threw her head back with a cry.

She quickly wrapped her legs around his waist and her mouth crashed on his possessively, her back scraping against the rough brick. Gasping for air she rocked against his throbbing erection seeking the end to the exquisite torture. He slammed his lower body against her, his mouth seizing hers and muffling her scream. Both still in desperate need of one another, she closed her eyes as he brought his lips back to the hollow of her throat, finding her rapidly beating pulse with his tongue and lips.

"Someone could find us," she whispered half-heartedly against his lips. Grinding his erection against her he growled before sliding his hand down her body and under her skirt. His fingers brushed against the wet lace that separated her from reaching ecstasy and she cried out once more.

Amidst his ministrations, between kisses, he finally murmured "Don't care."

Using the wall for leverage, she arched her hips forward and pressed her mound further against him.

"Oh God." She screamed as his pushed the fabric aside and parted her wet folds with his fingers before plunging two into her tight, slick channel. Lowering one hand from his neck she managed to unzip his pants while continuously rocking against his hand as he slid his fingers in and out of her. Once she had freed his hard cock from the restraint of his pants she began stroking him rhythmically from the base to the tip.

"I need to be inside you." He groaned before rubbing his fingers between her clit and opening eliciting a loud wail. 'Shhhhhhh…" He forced out before crashing his lips to hers to try and muffle her screams yet again.

In an almost primal reaction she guided him to her wet opening teasing the tip against her.

"Condom…" she managed to whimper.

"Wallet, back pocket." She let go of his throbbing cock, which was pressed so close to her all she need to do was tighten her legs a bit and he would be in her. She reached around him and pulled out the wallet letting all the contents drop to the floor except the packet. With shaking hands she ripped the package open, slid her hands between them and sheathed him quickly.

Losing all sense of reasoning as he lowered his lips to her breasts and teased her hard nipples with his teeth she screamed, "Now! I need you now!"

Sliding his tongue up her throat he covered her mouth with his as he entered her in one hard thrust. Gripping his shoulders as he moved in and out of her hard and fast she heard him moaning as he buried himself deeper and deeper within her.

"You feel so fucking amazing." He gasped as he continued to drive into her.

"God don't stop!" She screamed her voice carrying through the empty hallway. No longer caring who heard them Rachel let out a high pitched cry when she felt her building orgasm take hold.

He felt her thighs quiver and her walls begin constricting around his pulsating cock. With his lips pressed against her ear he whispered, "Cum, I can feel you're ready."

Leaning her upper body against him she bit down on his shoulder as she felt the wave completely overtake her. Her walls rhythmically constricted and released around him. As he felt her let go he immediately followed suit with an intensity he had never felt before. The current flowed through every nerve ending in his body, which jerked in response while he released inside her. With her legs still tightly wound around him and with him still within her, the residual pulses continued from both their bodies.

* * *

A/N from iGoToExtremes: Thanks so much to my co-author for inviting me to participate in writing this titillating story! She's going to have to change her penname because she already IS a writer - and a talented one at that. Hope everyone enjoys our work.

A/N from wants2beawriter: Thank you for answering my plea for a co-conspirator! I am truly enjoying working with you on this story and am learning so much! You are fabulous!

Song: Animal, lyrics by Neon Trees


	2. Chapter 2

A/N from **iGoToExtremes**: Thanks to all who read & reviewed the first chapter! My co-author and I pick up right where we left off. As always it has been a pleasure working with her.

A/N from **wants2beawriter**: Not to be redundant, but thank you again to everyone who has read and reviewed! Your support is truly motivating! I cannot say enough about my fabulous co-author. Without you, this story would never have happened!

Disclaimer: We sadly do not own Glee

We hope you enjoy chapter 2!

_**You're killin' me now**_

* * *

"Finn? Rachel?"

She cursed the world and her most unfortunate luck when she heard Kurt's voice from behind her.

"Heyyy, love!" she greeted him, trying to sound nonchalant as she unwrapped herself from Finn's body and they hurriedly collected themselves.

Obviously she'd worried in passing that Kurt might bring Finn to their usual spot, since she wasn't supposed to be there that night. But her performance that night was cancelled, so she and Kelsey decided to go out at the last minute, without thinking about the possibility of running into her out-of-town-visitor ex. And when she saw Finn standing in the crowd, watching her... well, then she just _couldn't_ think. About anything. But Kurt didn't need to know that, at least not yet.

"Ray?" Just then Kelsey appeared in the hallway as well. Rachel had almost forgotten about her friend entirely but felt guilty for sneaking off with Finn just the same.

"Hey, Kel, sorry for disappearing," she began, trying to hide her discomfort with the awkward scene. "I've actually had enough of this place for today. Do you want to grab a bite at the diner and call it a night?"

"Uh, sure, whatever you want," Kelsey replied, eyeing the guys curiously before grinning flirtatiously at Finn.

"Kurt, I'll see you at home later?" Rachel confirmed with her roommate before turning to his step-brother. "Good to see you again, Finn." She made sure to raise an eyebrow seductively before making her exit.

He only nodded once, and stared back at her with smoldering eyes.

* * *

"Wellll, look who it is!" Kurt exclaimed sassily when Rachel stumbled into their small kitchen the next morning. She and Kelsey wound up going to another bar after their diner stop, and by the time she'd gotten home he was already asleep. "Now I hate to say 'I told you so' -"

"You _love_ saying it," Rachel interrupted with a scowl, pouring herself some orange juice.

"-but your 'path of self-discovery', or whatever you want to call it, has led you right back to where you started," he continued, ignoring her interjection. "As much as your break-up with Finn was amicable enough that we could remain friends, I don't condone this backslide. It's not healthy or productive."

Rachel sat down at the counter next to him and buttered an English muffin. "It's not a backslide. It was a one-time thing. Not even emotional or anything." She paused, then added, "Really, I just wanted to show him what he was missing," complete with a snicker and slight eye-roll, for effect.

Kurt rolled his eyes in full and slipped off of his stool. "Well, as much as I'd love to stay and remind you that you're a terrible liar, I need to go to work."

After he retreated to the bathroom Rachel realized that Kurt hadn't mentioned how the rest of the night with Finn had gone. She obviously didn't want to put him in the middle of this complicated development, but she couldn't help her curiosity.

"So, uh, how was the rest of your evening? Finn doing okay?" she asked casually as Kurt finished brushing his teeth.

He wiped his face on a hand towel and scoffed. "If by 'okay' you mean 'indifferently trudging through life amidst a 3-year post-break-up funk,' then yes, he's okay."

Rachel winced at the biting description of Finn's state of mind, trying to ignore the guilt that she worked so hard to keep down below the surface.

Meanwhile, Kurt slipped his bag over one shoulder and headed for the door. Before departing he turned back to Rachel, his resolve softening. "I shouldn't have said it like that. Finn is an adult with control over his own life, and after all this time it's not your problem if he feels a certain way. He really _is _fine, I promise."

She smiled meekly. "Thanks for clarifying. I appreciate it."

Rachel waited 15 minutes (long enough to ensure that Kurt made it into the subway and onto a train) before she picked up her phone and started typing the text message.

{ Home alone for the rest of the morning, if that interests you. }

She wasn't sure if he'd take her up on the offer, or if she even wanted him to. Well, she always _wanted_ Finn; that was never their problem. Seeing him for the first time after three years only reignited all that lust and true chemistry they had shared.

After their breakup she had… come out of her shell. Rachel was never _shy_, per se, but recently she had become a genuinely outgoing, sociable, flirty vixen who attracted the attention of all sorts of men. She reminded herself that this newfound persona was entirely satisfying, trying to ignore the fact that seeing Finn again had left her unable to form coherent thoughts about anything else.

* * *

Finn started awake when he heard his phone beep. Rubbing his eyes he reached for it and saw Rachel's text. They hardly communicated at all since splitting up, but he never bothered to delete her number from his phone. He definitely hoped that he'd need it again, but not necessarily for a thinly veiled mid-morning booty call.

Heaving himself into a sitting position belonging to his friend Rick, he studied the message again. It seemed more appropriate he and Rachel see each other and talk about what had happened. He certainly had a few questions and comments after the previous night.

Yes, he thought as he sprung up to get ready. I'll go over there and well talk, which is what we should've done last night. Thinking about it – about _her _– had him on the verge of arousal again, especially since apparently she wanted more. Of course he was also somewhat ashamed of his behavior, taking her in a dirty bar hallway after not having seen her in years. It was lewd and unclassy and far beneath what she deserved.

But most of all it was intense. And he knew that if Rachel felt even half of the emotion that flooded him during their encounter, they had something very important to discuss.

Rick, who Finn had met in college, lived only a few blocks from the place that Kurt and Rachel found after Finn left town. As he made the trek he hoped that Kurt was already safe at work in midtown and there was no chance of them bumping into each other on the street. He felt bad putting his brother in the middle of his failed relationship, but Kurt was all about balance and managed to support each of them. After the girls left the bar he and Kurt had a nice time catching up, with no mention of Rachel or their public reunion. Following a late shift Rick also met up with them and they spent another hour or so just shooting the shit.

It took his mind off of her, but only briefly. Truth be told he hadn't really stopped thinking about Rachel – ever – for the past three years. Usually his thoughts involved a longing for the comforts of their relationship and the love he felt for her deep in his soul. After their brief encounter, though, he was thinking more with his man-parts than anything else.

When Finn reached their apartment he knocked sharply on the door, trying to ignore the below-the-belt excitement he felt creeping in and resolved to finally air these feelings he'd harbored for so long.

The door opened a crack and a sliver of Rachel's small form appeared. He barely had time to register the image before the door flew opened the rest of the way and she yanked him inside by the neck of his polo shirt. As the door closed behind him he felt his face being pulled down towards hers.

"Rachel... we should really... Talk about things..." he gasped in between their sloppy, wet kisses.

Rachel snaked her arms around his neck and continued assaulting his mouth with her own. "This now... Talk later..." she responded without missing a beat.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N from wants2beawriter: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed alerted and/or subscribed to our story. It has been a pleasure to write and hope you all enjoy! To my co-conspirator iGotoExtremes – You are awesome!

Definitely rated M! Your feedback really is helpful to our writing! Please keep it up!

Disclaimer: We sadly do not own Glee

Happy Reading!

**Chapter 3 - I Won't Be Denied By You**

_I do it every time  
__You're killin' me now_

_And __I won't be denied by you__  
The animal inside of you*_

Before Finn could say anything else Rachel spun him around, guiding him into the living room as they continued kissing. After just a few steps the backs of his legs hit the couch and she pushed him down into a sitting position, smirking slightly. She was wearing a thin tank top and little pajama shorts, last night's makeup still visible on her face, and her hair in a messy bun of dark waves at the base of her neck. Drinking in the image, Finn's arousal pushed aside any interest he had in talking.

Rachel immediately stripped him of his shirt and straddled him on the couch. Her lips were on his once again and her hands raked up and down his chest. He gave in to the temptation and slid his hands up her shirt and over the smooth, warm skin of her stomach. She growled against his mouth and pressed her center against the growing hardness of his crotch, simultaneously threading her fingers into his hair and tugging at it. Then she dragged her tongue down his jaw and onto his neck, sucking hard at his pulse point.

The sensations caused by her actions overtook him and Finn couldn't contain the moan that erupted from the back of his throat. He summoned the wherewithal to slip his hands higher up along her rib cage until he felt the swell of her breasts. He caressed the undersides lightly, eliciting something that sounded like a purr from Rachel. Before he could move onto the rest of her pert mounds, though, she abruptly sprung off of his lap and knelt on the floor in front of the couch. She deftly unbuckled his belt and pants, freeing him from his shoes, jeans, and boxers and licking her lips when his manhood was exposed.

Rachel had always been very, VERY good at giving head, but she was usually reluctant to do it; something about the act being vulgar and degrading. She especially didn't like when he called it "giving head".

But this new Rachel didn't seem to have all that many inhibitions about anything, he pondered as her tongue swirled expertly around his cock. He gasped in a combination of shock and pleasure when she all but swallowed him, the tip hitting the back of her throat.

"Shit... Rach..." Finn croaked, slightly regretful that he gave in to the familiarity and used her nickname.

"You thought I'd forgotten what you like?" she asked seductively, looking up at him with squinting eyes before deep-throating him again. He instinctively tangled a hand in her hair as her head bobbed up and down in a slow, torturous rhythm. After a few more strokes she released him and stood. Whipping off her top and shimmying out of her shorts (no underwear, he noticed) in seemingly no time, she produced a condom from a drawer in the end table and rolled it onto his throbbing erection.

In the meantime he slid a hand up her thigh and teased her slick folds, sliding a finger into her center while his thumb grazed her clit.

"Mmm..." she moaned in response to his touches, her head rolling back slightly. After only a few seconds, though, she pushed his hand away and straddled his waist. Gripping his shoulder with one hand she positioned his member at her entrance with the other and sank down on it slowly.

"Oh God, Rachel..." he groaned when she began to move on his lap. Instinctively he grabbed her hips with both hands, only to have her push them away defiantly as she guided her delicious heat up and down his shaft. He tried once more to touch her, this time grazing his fingers along the small of her back. But again she pushed his hands away, forcefully holding them down for a moment.

"You had your way with me last night. Isn't it my turn to be in charge?" she gasped amidst her thrusts, resuming her grip on his shoulders once his hands were successfully cast aside. She leaned back a little, taking him deeper and increasing the speed of her movements, leaving Finn powerless to respond to her verbally.

Physically, he felt like he might dissolve into a puddle from the effects of his petite ex-girlfriend riding him like the subway. Her eyes were focused intently, as though she was staring right through him, her fingers pressing hard into his skin. After what seemed like hours she let out a strangled moan and her tight center quivered around him ever so subtly. He felt the pressure of his own release building and grabbed onto the edge of the couch cushions as his hips involuntarily bucked upward. Rachel kept moving in the same deliberate fashion while her climax took hold in full, biting her lip as her walls contracted uncontrollably.

His undoing was unstoppable.

"Oh God... Rachel!" he shouted as the wave coursed through his entire body, his head falling back and eyes half-closing of their own accord.

At some point she stopped moving, and without saying anything she quickly gathered her shorts and tank-top and scampered off to the bathroom.

Even amidst the intense afterglow of their tryst Finn couldn't dismiss his disappointment. The Rachel he used to be with, who he wanted to be with forever, had been so different. She was sweet, and almost submissive in the way she liked him to slowly peel off her clothes one article at a time. She never wanted to have sex anywhere other than bed, and usually liked it when he was on top and in control, making her pant, moan, and even scream. And she never ran away immediately afterwards. (Also, _his_ Rachel definitely didn't keep condoms in the living room.)

Still, this Rachel captivated him just the same, and apparently he found her even more appealing than before. But he worried that since their breakup she had compromised her goals and objectives in her efforts to "find herself".

At least after this encounter no one else was around, meaning Finn would get his chance to talk to her once she came back out.

If she ever came back out, he thought as he finished putting his own clothes back on.

He approached the bathroom door after another minute or so. "Rachel?"

"Uh, what, Finn?"

The way she said his name made his ears burn just a little bit.

"Are you okay? I was hoping we could talk now."

There was no response from the other side of the door, so he continued.

"I just need to know…" Much to his own dismay he felt a lump forming in the back of his throat. "I need to know if this is what you want for yourself, Rachel. If this is how you are now, inviting guys over for 15-minute quickies at noon on a Thursday?"

"It's Thursday? Oh no!" She opened the bathroom door, simultaneously putting her shirt back on. "And it's already 1 o'clock! I'm sorry but you have to leave so I can get ready for rehearsal, or I'll be late."

"Rachel..." He suspected that she just wanted to get rid of him and avoid the conversation, his curiosity about what she was rehearsing for notwithstanding.

"Finn." she replied curtly, almost daring him to insist upon their conversation.

"You _said _we could talk… after," he reminded her in a similar tone, before softening his expression. "Are you busy tomorrow?"

A gleam appeared in Rachel's eye. "Same time, same place, same…?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhh, sure." He flashed a crooked grin.

"Great, so I'll see you here, then." She bit her lip seductively as she held the door open for him.

He nodded and stepped out. When the door closed behind him he was more confused than ever. From the very beginning Rachel always had a certain power over him, but now it was purely sexual and they needed to get past that so they could _actually _talk.

'Tomorrow, I'll make sure we talk first,' he told himself as he walked down the hallway.

* * *

A/N from iGotoExtremes: Sorry for leaving you all hanging. Hope this was worth the wait! I'm having an awesome time writing this story with my wonderful co-conspirator.

*Lyrics by Neon Trees, _Animal_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N from iGoToExtremes: insert praise for co-author and thanks to readers here

A/N from wants2beawriter: yeah, totally what she said.

Happy reading and sadly we do not own Glee!

Chapter 4

It wasn't until the door slammed shut behind him that she truly realized the gravity of what she had just done. She had not only had sex with him once, but twice now… and the second time she was the aggressor. She cursed her inability to control herself, especially given their history and how they ended. She slumped down on the couch and wiped her wet eyes with the hem of her shirt only to bawl even more when she smelled his cologne on her_. _What the hell was she doing_?_ She quickly got up and nearly sprinted into the bathroom, shedding her clothing along the way_. _She knew she had to stop this before they both got hurt again. She turned the water and stepped in, letting the hot water caress her body. She closed her eyes and tried desperately to forget how his hands felt on her, not that she had ever really forgotten. She always ended up comparing him to whoever she was with at the time, which itself was completely masochistic since she was the one who ended things so she could find herself.

"_So how did the audition go?" Finn asked as she walked through the front door slamming it behind her. She narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, couldn't he tell? She rolled her eyes and opened the refrigerator door._

"_It didn't" was her only reply before she slammed the door shut, not caring about the contents that crashed from the force. _

"_Why didn't it happen? Did you get the time wrong or something?" _

_She scoffed and walked away wordlessly. She was too angry to have a conversation with him as she knew she might say something she would later regret, but he either didn't care or didn't see she was boiling with rage. _

"_Rach? Come on, it couldn't have been that bad," he said softly and she knew he was trying to be supportive._

"_Finn, I really just need a few moments to myself, so that I can decompress from the ridiculously horrible day I have had." She said while pulling clothes from the closet. _

"_Rach, I think you will feel better if you talk about it. Or at least that's what you're always telling me when I have a crappy day." _

_She lowered her head. Why couldn't he just leave her the hell alone? She was trying to control it. She just needed a little time to bury the pain and resentment, but just like in the past and he couldn't even give her that. She shook her head and tried brushing past him, but his sheer size blocked her in the small closest, trapping her, just like she felt inside. _

"_Move Finn." She growled, shocking herself at her lack of control, although she hadn't felt in control of her own life in years. He gripped her shoulders and bent his knees slightly so he could look at her. She sighed, one part of her knowing he loved her and that she loved him back just as fiercely. But the other part, the part that felt suffocated and resentful, seemed to be winning this round. _

"_No, not until you tell me what happened. Or why it didn't happen." _

_She crossed her arms and let out a ragged breath. "Fine, Finn, you want to know why the audition didn't happen? Fine! He said I had to have sex with him to the part." When his fist balled at his sides and his jaw clenched she took her chance and pushed past him. "Happy now? Does it make you feel better knowing that?" She added, her voice dripping with hostility. _

"_No, I want to kill the bastard." He growled as he followed her back into the living room. She didn't look at him, rather she continued throwing books in her bag. "Rach, I can see why you are angry, but there will be other parts." _

_She wasn't sure what came over her, but all of her emotions were ready to burst out of her like a dam. She dropped her bag onto the floor, not caring when she heard someone hitting the floor with a broom from the apartment below and spun and face him. She knew by the expression on his face just how infuriated she was and when he approached her carefully she stepped back._

"_NO! You have no idea why I'm so infuriated!" He smiled a little and she wanted to beat him with something. He honestly thought he could calm her down. "Stop Finn! Your cute little smile and embrace aren't going to fix things this time!" _

_He paused and she thought maybe he got it, but no, he kept trying. "Rach, I know you are upset, but this guy was an asshole and not worth the time. No one should ever expect you to degrade yourself like that for a part." She laughed bitterly and he stopped finally, probably taken aback by her reaction._

"_God, you just don't get it. I am not upset because he said I had to sleep with him to get the part." _

_He cocked his head to the side and she could see the wheel spinning. "So…what are you trying to say? That you wanted to sleep with him?" He rasped and she felt her heart lodge somewhere in her throat. Is that what she wanted? _

_She shook her head no, fighting back the tears, hating that she was crying. "No, it isn't that I wanted to sleep with him. It's just that…" _

"_What? What is it then because you sure as hell aren't making a damned bit of sense to me. You come home from an audition pissed as hell because some douche director or whoever thought he could get you to fuck him by dangling a part in front of you. Which I totally get. But instead of letting me comfort you or reassure you, you yell at me! At me Rachel, the guy whose job it is to love and protect you. So, you need to tell me what the hell is going on!" _

_She wiped away the tears on her cheeks. She should have moved by his words. She should have just fallen into his arms and let him help take the pain away, but she couldn't. She was losing too much in this relationship. She couldn't even get a part because she was with him. So, all of the anger resurfaced and she stepped further back from him. _

"_You want to know the real reason I am so angry Finn?" _

_He crossed his arm and stood rigidly, silently prompting her to answer her own question._

"_You. I am angry because of you." He went to speak and she shook her head to stop him. "I could have had the part Finn, but nooo… I didn't get it because I am loyal to you. I couldn't cheat on you, knowing how much pain that would have caused you." _

"_Fuck that, Rachel!" He shouted then grabbed her by her arm. She knew it wasn't to hurt her, but rather to trying to regain some control of this conversation which was quickly spiraling out of control. "Don't you dare use me as an excuse because after 6 years together, after talking about getting married, you decided you wanted to go out and fuck other guys, and then felt guilty about it. That shit is all on you." _

_She yanked her arm free and spat, "if you hadn't smothered me for the past 4 years I wouldn't feel like I haven't ever experienced anything on my own!" _

"_Smothered you? You can't be serious? I moved here for you because you asked me to. I gave up scholarships, ball, and my family for you and you say _I _smothered _you_? Who the hell _are _you anymore?" He said gravely and the words hovered over them like a dark cloud. "Who the hell was she?" She swallowed the bile that had risen into her throat, wincing at the painful burn._

"_I don't know who I am anymore and I don't think I can find out if I'm with you." _

What a joke that had turned out to be. She sighed as the water ran down the back of her hair. At first she thought she was doing really well. She took a job she knew he didn't approve of, just because she could. She dated…_a lot_, and was always in control of the relationships as she was always detached emotionally. They were simply a means to an end, nothing but temporary. That is what she wanted, right? To always be in control? She never let anyone, especially a man, tell her what she could or couldn't do, even if she needed him like her next breath. She groaned and shivered realizing the hot water had turned ice cold. Just like her. God, she was a mess. She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in an oversized towel before padding back into her room. She quickly got dressed and grabbed her bag and almost broke down into sobs when she passed the living room.

Why the hell did she ask him over and why had he come? Not like she gave him an opportunity to speak, rather she did everything she could to avoid it. She was such a coward! She hadn't wanted to talk for so many reasons. She felt guilty when Kurt told her how Finn was really doing and implied that she was the cause of that suffering. The he came over and she was suddenly overwhelmed with need. Not want or even desire, but _need. _And once again she was no longer in control.

Lack of control with Finn scared her more than ever because (even though she didn't think he was seeing anyone) she couldn't bear the thought that there might have been someone in his life, which was so damned hypocritical since she had more lovers then she'd like to admit. She just couldn't stomach the idea of him giving his heart to anyone else. It wasn't like she had.

Or on the flip side, what if he told her that he still loved her? There was no way she could have remained detached. She knew she would have told him she loved him back and then what? He would have wanted to discuss a possible reconciliation and then ask about how her life had changed. How the hell could she tell him what she had been doing for the past three years without hurting him? Or what if she had the nerve to tell him and he wanted nothing to do with her? Then she would have been crushed. God she was such a failure. She was not only miserable without him, but knew she couldn't have him back. He would never love what she had become. He couldn't, she didn't. She knew that no matter hard it was going to be she needed to do was stay as far away from Finn Hudson as she could. She wouldn't hurt him anymore than she already had. She simply needed to go to work, put on a hell of a show and see if there is an adoring fan who might want to help her forget exactly what might be waiting for her a few streets over.

* * *

She managed to avoid Kurt by pretending to be asleep when he came home late that night. She didn't want to have to explain why she hadn't gone out after rehearsal or answer any questions about Finn. Kurt had knocked on her bedroom door this morning inviting her to come with him to hit a street festival with some friends, but she told him she had a headache. She kind of felt bad for lying, but she also didn't want to put Kurt more in the middle of her and Finn's issues than he already was. It had been hard enough on him the first time. So, now here she was sitting on her living room floor staring at the unsent text on her cell phone for the past hour and half.

{It was a mistake. We shouldn't see each other again. }

She knew needed to hit the send button, but no matter how many times she tried, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. What was wrong with her? Why was she allowing herself to dwell on the would've/could've/should've when her life was complete, or so she kept telling herself.

She knew deep down that she still loved him, but was she in love with him? No, he was her past. Maybe it was just unresolved feelings, like she needed closure or something. It wasn't as though they had ever really discussed what happened or why, but to be honest, she really had no clue why they didn't work out _exactly_. Yes, she had told him she needed time and space to discover who she was, but why hadn't she tried harder to keep him in her life in some capacity? Rachel stared at her unsent text message again, knowing that one main reason was pride. One month turned into two and two turned into three and it became easier to bury her feelings for him since she wasn't faced with them day to day. Then when the starring roles she wanted didn't pan out, she took a job he had begged her not to, and men started noticing her. It was easier to ignore her feelings than deal with them, and she liked her life… at least until Finn showed up at the damned club and drew all of those buried feelings to the surface.

She tossed her phone on the rug covered wooden floor and quickly picked up a small notebook and pen from the end table drawer, the one where she happened to have a condom when Finn came over. She felt the familiar heat begin to engulf her body at the memory.

She groaned and shut her eyes, trying to think of anything but making lo…no, she hadn't made love to him. No it had been strictly sex. It was nothing more than physical gratification. She didn't even kiss him when they were actually having sex. Didn't that mean something? Which brought her back to her question, what exactly did she know? Flipping open the notebook to the first clean page Rachel started writing.

What do I know?

_I know that there are residual feelings. Whatever they may be. _

_I know that we have an intense physical connection. One that is stronger than before._

_I know that the sex was absolutely amazing. Definitely more than before._

_I know that I can't stop imagining his hands on every part of my body. _

Tapping her pen against her lip Rachel read and re-read her 4 "knows." Three of them were definitely physical and while one might have meant something more, she was going to ignore that because maybe those residual feelings were related to their physical compatibility. Who wouldn't feel something after mind-blowing sex? It was only natural right? She slammed the notebook shut fighting to ignore that fact that she hadn't had any "feelings" when she was with any other man in the past few years. She threw the notebook onto the couch and headed into the bathroom. She needed to get past whatever this was between them, so she…no so they could both move forward with their lives…_apart_. She didn't want to feel the all-encompassing pain of losing him again.

No, what they needed was to have a physical relationship while he was in town. That way, they could get each other out of their systems. It would be easy. She was simply going to screw him until those "feelings" went away or until the two of them had closure.

She would have ground rules of course, but nothing outlandish. No kissing while having sex. That made it more impersonal and as long as it was impersonal, no feelings would be involved, which meant no one could get hurt.

Right, and of course, the sex would be scheduled. No impromptu get-togethers or calls whenever either one were in the mood. No, this would be an organized affair. And no matter what…they were not going to talk. Not before, not during and not after. This was simply sex.

After a quick shower, she decided to just towel dry her hair as Finn had always commented how hot she looked when she had just gotten out of the shower, which almost always led to sex and maybe even another shower. She felt the heated blush spread across her entire body at just the memory. She quickly shook her head pushing the thought from her mind. That was the past and this was an entirely different situation. That being said, she still went with the damp hair and the piece de resistance…a pajama top, rather his pajama top. If this didn't get him to agree, she wasn't sure anything would. She heard a knock at the door and then gave herself a once over in the mirror. She looked like she had literally climbed right out of bed and was read y to climb back in it.

Perfect.

Thanks for reading! Reviews = Love :-)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N from iGoToExtremes: After you pick your jaw up off the floor from reading my co-conspirator's awesome installment, please read & review.

A/N from wants2beawriter: Yea, now I am blushing. Thanks to my fabulous co-conspirator! Love how we just flow! Reviews equal love and doesn't everyone need that?

Happy Reading! Rated M

Disclaimer: Sadly, we do not own Glee!

Chapter 5

Hush, hush  
The world is quiet  
Hush, hush  
We both can't fight it  
It's us that made this mess  
Why can't you understand?  
Whoa, I won't sleep tonight 

Rachel nearly sprinted to the door when she heard the light knock, took a deep cleansing breath and hoped she could keep her emotions in check. That was until she opened it to find him standing there rocking on his heels. She thought he looked as apprehensive as she suddenly felt, but when he smiled at her she cursed those stupid butterflies that only he seemed to be able to cause. Maybe she should just back out. It wasn't too late, right? She must have been staring at him for a few moments because he smirked and drawled, his nervousness obviously gone,

"Are you going to invite me in or would you rather give your neighbors a show?" He chuckled at her when she seemed to choke on her own words and simply stepped back so he could come in. She wasn't quite sure how he had turned the tables on her so quickly. She was supposed to be the confident one, the aggressor in this situation. Wasn't it her who invited him over for a quickie? Yes, she was supposed to be take-charge Rachel. Not some girl mooning over a High School crush. She wasn't that _girl _anymore, was she? No and he obviously wasn't the same man whom she was able to seduce yesterday either. Instead he walked around her apartment like he had lived there his entire life. Looking at pictures, wandering into the various rooms and yet didn't say a word to her. That was not how this was going to go down. He looked too comfortable, too…_right_, in her home. Not okay in the least.

"So, are you here to check out my interior decorating skills or…" She started to say haughtily before he turned around, leaned on the counter and said interrupting her,

"Or screw you? Is that what you expected?" She should have had some sort of witty rebuttal but she didn't have any words. That was exactly what she expected. Wasn't that why he came over?

"I…I thought that is what this was about? We were just going to hook up." She managed to squeak out. God, how could he still make _her_, an extremely intelligent woman, unable to speak? She was the seductress not the other way around.

He pushed himself off the kitchen counter and walked over to her, his body so close she could feel the rise and fall of each breath he took. She didn't want to be the one whose heart was speeding up at the minimal contact. She didn't want to be the one who desperately needed to feel his lips on hers. The worst part was that he didn't even seemed phased by her. He seemed like he was in complete control of every action he took.

"I think we should talk first this time…wouldn't you agree?" He said in a whisper, making sure to press his cheek against hers as he spoke. She knew she must have whimpered at the feel of his breath against the spot right below her ear because she felt him smile triumphantly against her skin. "Good." He murmured before stepping back and gestured towards the couch. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her waist. She seriously didn't trust herself with this "new" Finn.

"What do you want to talk about?" She asked shakily as he leaned back on the couch.

"I think you know. We need to talk about whatever is happening between us." She took a breath as she looked into his eyes surprised by what she saw there – uncertainty. Maybe he wasn't as confident as he let on. Maybe this was her chance to turn the tables and take control. If she could steer the conversation, she could convince him to agree to her terms.

She cleared her throat and sauntered over to the coffee table in front of him and sat down, so their knees were touching.

"I suppose we should talk about this situation," she replied while daintily playing with the buttons on the top she was wearing.

"Right." He responded hoarsely, his eyes following each of her fingers as she began unbuttoning them, teasing him with a bit of skin. She knew at that moment he was fighting his physical desire for her. She just had to push him to the brink.

"So, what exactly do you think is happening here?" She almost purred as she toyed with the button right below her breasts. When he reached for her hands she figured he wanted to undress her himself, but instead he gripped them, stilling her movements.

"I think you're trying to distract me to the point where I won't want to talk. And that isn't going to happen today," he said harshly causing her to flinch in embarrassment. She looked down averting his glare, not wanting him to see the hurt in her eyes.

"I'm not trying to do that." She argued. He tilted her face upwards and pushed the hair that was covering her face away so he could look at her. She felt raw and exposed, two feelings she never wanted to experience again.

"Like hell you aren't! You knew I would remember that shirt and how you never wore it for more than a minute before I tore it off of you. Or what would usually happen when you walked out of the shower wearing a towel and nothing else. You knew **exactly **what you were doing, so please don't play innocent. My question to you is _why_?"

Of course he would remember the same things she did. She quickly re-did the buttons on the shirt and got up off the small table.

"Let's not talk about innocent shall we?" she spat as she walked into the small kitchen. "You were the one who fucked me against a wall in a crowded night club the other night, and you sure as hell didn't object to it a second time on my couch yesterday. I am not the only one who wants this or you wouldn't be here _again." _

"You're right and I was so ashamed about what happened the first night," he said softly. She could have sworn she heard his voice crack and she felt the overwhelming need to put him at ease.

"You were ashamed? Why? I was just saying…"

"Because you deserve better than that!" He shouted interrupting her, "I should never have done something so crude and reckless. My God, we were together for years. You gave me your virginity and I treated you like a fucking whore and then I actually had the nerve to judge _you_ for what happened. I am so sorry."

She wasn't sure what she wanted more at that moment – to run into his arms or hit him for making her feel like this. "Don't! Don't you dare feel sorry for me! I knew exactly what was going to happen when I saw you watching me at the club. I am not some victim and I am sure as hell not the same girl that waited for the perfect moment to give myself to you. I know what I want and go after it."

He nodded and looked away. She thought his eyes were shimmering, but she must have been wrong because when he looked back she didn't see any emotions in his eyes. They were flat and she wasn't sure she liked it. "Point taken, so what now? Are we just supposed to fuck and then me be on my way?"

She flinched at his words. He sounded so distant, almost cold. "Well, I actually had given this some thought. I kind of made a list." She said, hating how unsure she sounded.

"A list?" He chuckled, "That's something the Rachel I fell in love with would have done."

She turned away. She wasn't that 'Rachel' anymore.

He seemed to notice and added gruffly, "Not that I still feel that way."

"Right, of course not," she choked out. She didn't want to feel like he had broken down every wall she had built up around her fragile heart and literally ripped it out of her chest. But she did, damn it. "You know, this might not have been a good idea. You don't like the 'Rachel' I am and I don't want to have to make excuses for my choices."

Finn cleared his throat and turned her to face him. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to make excuses or anything. Clearly talking about our past is more difficult than I thought. "

"Right, you're only here for a few days, so maybe we should just act like... _strangers_." She blurted out, not quite knowing where that came from.

"Strangers?" He replied staring at her like she was insane.

She nodded and began pacing the small space. "Right, like strangers with sexual chemistry." She saw him eyeing her warily as she proceeded with her argument, "We could just act like we first met at the club, hooked up, and continue to do so while you are in town. No emotions, no talking about pasts or previous relationships. Just amazing sex."

"You want to be fuck buddies while I am in town?" Finn replied cautiously.

"Right, I mean isn't that what this was all about? Nothing will change except for the rules." Rachel said, adding the last part quickly. She felt her heart slamming against her rib cage and she wondered if she was speaking as quickly as she was thinking.

"There are rules? Most hook ups don't have rules, Rachel." Finn replied with a laugh.

She glared at him and he laughed again. "I don't find this at all amusing."

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "Right, it isn't funny." He replied and she could see he was physically trying to maintain his composure. She understood that their encounters involved a variety of emotions but she didn't expect humor to come into play.

"It isn't. Look do you want to hear my rules or not?" She said angrily her chest rising and falling with her ragged breaths.

He didn't reply. Instead his jaw locked and his eyes began roaming her body. She could feel his gaze, like everywhere he looked her body burned. She had no idea what had caused this change, until he was stalking towards her like she were prey and his fingers grazed her exposed breasts. She swallowed hard and glanced down realizing that somehow the top few buttons on her shirt had managed to come undone, exposing a large portion of her breasts to him.

"What are the rules?" He nearly growled and she felt her knees go weak. He wanted her. When she didn't reply he slid his hand between the valley of her breasts and up to her throat, "Tell me now or there won't be any." She felt his hand slide to the around the base of her neck and thread into her hair then tugged it back so she was forced to expose her throat to him completely.

"No…no kissing…" She stammered as he lowered his lips to her pulse point, sucking hard enough to leave a brand, _his _brand. That really should have upset her, but instead she felt the wet heat pool between her legs and she just wanted him to suck harder.

"Hmmmmm…"He murmured against her throat, the vibrations sending a pulse through her body already shaking body. This was so different from their previous encounter. "No kissing anywhere?" he sighed against her neck. "Because I think you like it when I kiss you here." She couldn't stop the breathy moan when he kissed the spot right where her neck and shoulder met.

"Mouth, no kissing on the mouth, less intimacy that way." She gasped as he pushed the shirt off her shoulders and began sliding his tongue along her collar bone to the hollow of her throat.

"Right, wouldn't want to be intimate." He replied while backing her up against the wall that he had been leaning on just moments before. Then he lowered himself to his knees, pushing the rest of the shirt off of her body. "Any other rules?" he murmured against her flat stomach while his hands slid up her ribcage cupping her soft breasts.

She tossed her head back as he worshipped her body, her body trembling more with each touch. She was trying to remember the rules, but she could barely remember her own name. When his lips came in contact with her already hardened nipple she heard him whisper his nick name for her.

"No, no terms…" He sucked harder and she left her knees go weak, "Fuck, you…"

"What?" He breathed against her now dampened skin causing her skin to break out in a delicious mixture of hot and cold.

"No nick names… just…" He switched attention to the other breast, sucking and then rasping his teeth against it. "Seriously can't think when you are doing that." She felt him smile against her skin before pulling away. He couldn't be serious? "Wait, what…why are you stopping?"

"Who said I was stopping?" He drawled before wrapping her bare arms around his neck and almost effortlessly lifting her off the ground. She heard him groan when she wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding her body against his.

"Please." She managed to whimper as she frantically pulled at the hem of his shirt, needing to feel his bare skin against hers. He glanced around the small kitchen and carried her towards the tile covered counter, knocking over a stool in the process. He scooted her onto the cool tile and without releasing him she helped him pull his shirt over his head, tossing it haphazardly onto the floor. Her hands slid up his arms and along his shoulders before trailing her fingertips down his chest to his abdomen. She smiled when she felt him shudder under her soft touch. She realized this exploration of his body probably wasn't the best idea, but she found herself unable to stop touching, caressing him. When she heard him whisper her name it was almost her undoing. Her hands which were now trembling as he gently explored her as she had just done to him, found the button on his jeans. "I think you are still overdressed."

She felt his fingers along the waistband of her underwear, tugging on it slightly. "So are you." He replied softly as he leaned down and nipped at her shoulder, then soothed it with his tongue. She slowly lowered her legs from his waist and let out a ragged breath as she lifted her hips off the cool counter. She gripped his shoulders for support as he slid the tiny bit of black lace down her legs. He quickly discarded his jeans and then began sliding his hands along her inner thighs. Her eyes fluttered shut and her head fell back between her shoulders when his fingers brushed dangerously close to her already aching core.

She thought she heard him say she was beautiful, but it was drowned out by the beating of her own heart. Unable to stand the gentle torture Rachel wrapped her legs back around his now bare waist, needing more. One hand gripped her hip while the other laid her back against the cold surface. She felt the back of his hand move down her body, caressing each breast with a feather-like touch before finally resting on her other hip. His grip on her hips tightened as he pulled her against his erection. She arched off the counter when she felt him press directly against her wet center.

"Condom?" He gasped as she rocked against him for leverage as pulling open a small drawer. She let out a small cry when she felt his teeth tugging gently on her nipple. He was so much taller than her that when he released the hardened bud and looked up they were so close their breath mixed with one another. Without breaking eye contact he reached over her head and took the condom from her hand, quickly sheathed himself and without warning entered her so hard and fast that Rachel let out a high-pitched scream.

He paused, looking down at her and she knew he wanted to make sure she was okay. Wordlessly she wrapped her arms around his shoulders blanketing her body with his. She met each of his movements with the same intensity, taking him in deep within her. It wasn't long before she was writhing underneath him; begging and pleading for the exquisite torture to end. As he continued to thrust into her, she felt his hand leave her hip and slip between them. The added friction of his thumb pressing against her clit pushed her completely over the edge bringing him with her. Her walls tightened around him and she could feel his every pulse as if it was coursing through her own body.

He collapsed on top of her and immediately tried propping himself up to avoid crushing her against the counter, but she just pulled him tightly against her, losing herself in the rhythm of his rapidly beating heart.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until the impact set in and he pushed himself off of her. Without speaking she unwound her legs releasing him from her hold. He picked up her clothes and handed them to her in complete silence. She didn't know how to react or to feel. So she buttoned the shirt he had handed her and slid off the counter.

"Ummm…I…" Was all she could manage to stammer as she watched him pull his shirt over his head and gather the items that fell out of his pockets when he tossed his jeans on the floor. "Don't you…aren't you going to say something? Anything?"

Finn stopped at the kitchen doorway, smirked and then said casually, "So that was awesome. Same time, same place tomorrow?"

Then he was gone and she felt like the walls were caving in around her.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N from **iGoToExtremes**: Happy Sunday all! Hope you enjoy the next installment and review accordingly. My co-author is awesome and we have several pretty rad chapters coming down the pike, if I do say so myself…

A/N from **wants2beawriter**: It's update day! I personally love this chapter and hope you all do to. My rockin' co-author did a phenomenal job with it! Reviews are what motivate us to get the chapters out every week (we do read each and every one), so thank you!

To cravensvt: Our version of Rachel is definitely darker than the tv character and she really is in a great deal of emotional pain. Thanks for the comment. It means a lot that you took the time!

Disclaimer: We still don't own Glee!

* * *

Chapter 6

Here we are again,

I feel the chemicals kicking in

It's getting heavy and,

I want to run and hide

I want to run and hide

Finn exited the apartment and let the door click shut behind him. Standing in the hallway he closed his eyes and exhaled. Then he bounded down the hall to the staircase, before he changed his mind and ruined the plan by storming back in to her again.

That obviously hadn't gone exactly as he'd envisioned, but his point was made nonetheless. They did talk about some of their issues. But when she proposed the fuck-buddy arrangement he decided that other measures were necessary… like giving her a taste of her own medicine. Finn knew that if he took charge, he could show her just how powerful their connection still was. He didn't want to run out on her like that, but it was all part of the plan to leave her wanting more emotionally as well as physically.

As he stepped into the bright sunlight and started down the sidewalk back towards Rick's he tried to quiet the guilt and erase the image of Rachel's hurt expression. After a block or two, though, he allowed himself to feel satisfied in exacting this revenge of sorts. Just as he had felt helpless and mesmerized the day before, Rachel had been powerless to resist his advances in her kitchen. When she was in charge he'd found her stoicism and detachment very disconcerting; this go-round, though, confirmed that she could still be his docile and passive Rachel.

The sex was incredibly hot... although it always was, with them. There had been a handful of girls in Cleveland the past few years, and he always tried his hardest not to compare them to Rachel. They were each beautiful, intelligent, and charming in their own right. But none of them had _that_spark in their eyes. None of them lit a fire in him like Rachel could. Today had only confirmed for him that he needed her like oxygen.

When he got back to Rick's, he focused his attention on his next appointment of the day… which was an actual appointment regarding his new job.

Finn had studied broadcast journalism at Brooklyn College, and from his junior year forward he worked as a production assistant for however many sports talk radio shows he could fit into his schedule. It made for an insanely busy college experience, but it paid off when one of the stations hired him as an associate producer for their morning drive-time show. By the end of his first year he was regularly chiming in to the conversations carried on by the show's two hosts, and they even put him on the air a few times as a last-minute replacement for one of the usual afternoon hosts.

He found the work extremely fulfilling; exhausting and demanding as it was. But his satisfaction was tempered when it became clear that Rachel wasn't happy. She admitted to being a little jealous of his success as she struggled to find dramatic roles and singing gigs, and his 4:30 AM weekday wake-up time put a strain on the amount of time they were able to spend together. Finn figured that those two factors would be the source of any bumps in their relationship; boy was he surprised when Rachel sprung the "you're smothering me and I need to find myself" breakup line.

After they broke up he stayed in New York for a few months, clinging to the hope that she'd come to her senses sooner rather than later. He tried to keep in touch and check up on her, but she was staunch in resisting any contact with her now ex-lover. Work kept him sufficiently busy that he didn't even miss her, really. He had worked hard to get on a proper career path and didn't want to see that go down the tubes just because his love-life did. But everything aside from the radio station reminded Finn of his failed relationship and what could have been.

Just when being in New York got to be too much, some cosmic forces intervened and he was offered a hosting gig with the station's affiliate in Cleveland.

So he moved back to Ohio - not quite home, but close enough. His job now consisted of analyzing the teams he grew up watching as a kid, and he got along really well with his co-host Joe Flynn. (Their show was called Finn and Flynn. Highly original.) He saw his mom and Burt and some of the high school crowd every few weekends, but he still felt like he was living an existence separate from the Lima Loser fate he once feared.

Recently, though, the station started looking for ways to cut back. One proposal involves the replacement of their show with a syndicated program produced by the national parent network.

Luckily, the higher-ups said they'd take care of Finn. Jim Sweeney had been his supervising senior producer but had since moved up to regional programming director. While working together they had grown close, participating in weekly pick-up basketball games, and Jim graciously set up this meeting to discuss Finn's future with the company. During their last phone conversation he said that he couldn't promise anything, but that they'd likely be able to get him some kind of New York based gig.

Finn was grateful for whatever opportunity they were going to offer him, but obviously moving back carried such heavy implications regarding his personal life. Kurt was excited about the possibility, but Finn had sworn him to secrecy until he figured out both the details of the job and what the hell was still left for him and Rachel. Now that they'd been _involved_several times, he got the sense that she was pretty damaged. The obviousness of their ongoing emotional connection notwithstanding, he didn't want her to know about any possible move until he knew more about it himself.

He showered quickly, put on his suit, and fixed his hair. During the subway ride he tried his best to focus on work-related thoughts and put his Rachel musings on the back burner. He needed a job, after all, and he really had no idea what to expect from this meeting, so he had to be prepared for anything. He worried momentarily that they wouldn't be able to offer him a position in New York and would ask him to move somewhere completely far-off and random to host a show airing in the middle of the night.

Finn arrived at the parent company's office and sat in the designated waiting area as instructed by the receptionist. After a few moments of subconscious fidgeting Jim appeared.

"Finn! Good to see you again, son." The older man shook his hand and patted him on the shoulder as he ushered him into a large conference room. On the opposite side of the long mahogany table sat a semi-rotund man with salt-and-pepper hair, and a petite, prim-looking young woman in dark-rimmed glasses.

"I'm not sure if you've met Bob Ellsworth, senior VP of programming."

"No, sir. It's a pleasure," Finn said politely, reaching out to shake the other man's hand.

"Likewise, Finn."

"And this is Lisa Higgins, one of our market analysts." Jim motioned to the woman.

"Good to meet you," she nodded as they shook.

"Same." Finn smiled shyly back at her. Then he sat down in one of the oversized swivelly office chairs next to Jim.

"Well, Finn," his former boss began, "I'm not going to hide the ball here. You were always one of our hardest working team members when you were here, and the network loves what you and Joe have been doing in Cleveland. Even though the ratings aren't there, the marketing guys and gals did some research and… well, I should let Lisa explain."

"Thanks, Jim." She cleared her throat and removed some papers from a smart-looking portfolio. "We played segments of your show to test audiences in a few different cities…" Lisa went on for a few minutes about the results, throwing around words like "relatable" and "easygoing" and pointing to different charts and graphs. Finn felt like he was back in high school trigonometry. Lisa must have caught on that it was all going over his head because she looked at Jim uneasily. He nodded firmly at her and she turned back to Finn. "We determined that a show hosted by you would do very well in national syndication."

Finn practically had to pick his jaw up from the floor. They wanted to replace him... with himself. "It would just be me?" he asked nervously. Then he thought about his current co-host. "What about Joe?"

"Joe will be staying on in Cleveland. His family is rooted there, and we were able to fold him into the morning show crew." Mr. Ellsworth assured him. "He was actually the one who suggested we test you out nationally."

Finn smiled at the kindness of his partner, then frowned slightly. "So just because I'll be broadcast nationally, I have to use a studio here? Wouldn't the production costs actually be lower if I stayed Cleveland?"

Jim cleared his throat. "Your show will be simulcast for television, which requires a larger crew and a more elaborate studio like the ones we have here."

Finn just stared at him in disbelief, unable to formulate a response.

Lisa spoke up amidst the silence. "Other networks have had great success with this approach since the TV ad revenue is so much greater than any added production cost."

"And in New York you'll be able to attract better in-persons guests," Mr. Ellsworth added.

"Besides," Jim chuckled and gestured toward Lisa, "they did some research and apparently your face was made more for TV than radio."

Lisa blushed slightly. "It's true. Your website profile got more hits than any other radio personality in the entire family of networks, and we did some polling... suffice to say there will be a disproportionate increase in female viewership with you on TV."

"Don't get too vain on us now, though," Mr. Ellsworth quipped then. "This decision is mostly based on your talent and dedication. You'll also be a producer."

Finn tried to process everything that he'd just been told. It obviously seemed too good to be true. The station reps didn't need an answer right away, but he knew he wouldn't turn down such an offer, risky as it might be. So he accepted, and agreed to return to the city in one month, at which point there'd be two weeks of pre-production meetings and preparation before the show went on the air.

He was full of nervous energy while riding the elevator down from the office. He decided that the next day when he saw Rachel, he'd tell her everything. He'd tell her how he wouldn't have become successful without her and how he wanted her to share in his success and his _life_again, and that it didn't matter what had happened in between so long as they could be together again.

As soon as he hit the sidewalk, though, he realized the problem with that plan. Accordingly, he called Kurt and proceeded to the nearest bar. Finn was halfway done with his glass of whiskey by the time Kurt glided up next to him, out of breath.

"I got here as soon as I could, but I have to leave in an hour to be back at the gallery for tonight's event," he panted as he hopped up on the stool. "Isn't Rick meeting you in 2 hours? What's so important that you needed me now?"

Finn stared blankly into the mirror behind the bar while telling Kurt about the job offer, sparing no detail of the meeting, in a quiet monotone.

"What terrible news." Kurt sarcastically imitated his dour tone, sipping the vodka-cranberry he ordered during Finn's story. But when Finn downed the rest of his whiskey without responding, Kurt broke character. "Seriously, why are you upset? This is great, they think you can be a star!" His face lit up in an encouraging smile and he raised his hands in a flourish, but after a second his expression faded. "Oh." He lowered his hands.

"Yeah." Finn continued staring ahead and they stayed silent for several minutes, during which the bartender refilled his glass. "You know I want to make it right with her if I move back-"

"_When_you move back," Kurt corrects.

"Yeah," a smile caught the corner of Finn's mouth, "_when_I move back. I'm just not sure what she needs right now, or how to tell her that I'm coming back to be on friggin' TV."

"Well," the smaller man began, "I was actually thinking about that." The trademark Kurt Hummel I've-been-thinking grin spread across his face. "Why don't you come over for brunch tomorrow? Bring Rick, and anyone else you want. I'll tell Rach to invite Kelsey and her other girlfriends. That way we can all discuss your recent endeavors and your news without it being as awkward... _especially_after the other night." He rolled his eyes at his allusion to the club incident.

Finn half-heartedly chuckled at the clue that Kurt was unaware of their subsequent trysts and didn't even know the half of what was really going on. "I dunno, man..." He nervously ran a hand through his hair.

Kurt sighed. "If having brunch with her is going to be awkward, are you sure you can even go down this road? It's not like you have trouble attracting women, and there are plenty in this city with a lot less baggage than Rachel."

Finn looked down at his half-empty (or was it half-full?) glass. Surely Kurt knew what he was about to say, but he needed to say it out loud anyway. "I'd rather have Rachel and her baggage than no Rachel at all. I've tried being without her and it's not the same. _I'm_not the same. I'm lucky that I've figured the job stuff out, but that wouldn't have gotten off the ground without her motivating me all throughout school."

"It _is_ironic that she pushed you to have career focus and direction and now you've had such success while she..." Kurt trailed off and sipped his drink.

Finn's eyes lit up and he abruptly turned toward his brother. "Yeah, what's she doing now, for work? I Googled her before I got here and there weren't any new results, just her profile page from that theater troupe that disbanded a year ago and a few old college cast pages."

"Ohh, she's been doing some... underground, independent stuff, not the sort of thing you'd be able to just find online." Kurt downed the rest of his drink and looked at his watch. "Oh GaGa, I should really go." He slipped off the stool and put on his jacket. "Come to brunch tomorrow at noon. It'll be good, I swear." He patted Finn's shoulder and left before Finn could answer.

He sipped his drink slowly. The way Kurt described Rachel's job, and the fact that he bolted right after, it was just… odd. Luckily he didn't have too much time to ponder these thoughts before Rick showed up and they set off on their first true guys'-night adventure of his visit.

As he looked at the show posters that adorned the brick theatre walls, Finn couldn't help but feel out of place. Granted, he was a guy and had been to his fair share of strip clubs with the friends but this place was on a whole new level.

"What _is _this?" Finn asked as he gestured towards the revealing poster.

"It's sort of a cabaret/burlesque theater. They offer a wide variety of shows...some more risque then others, but I've heard amazing things about the company." Rick replied as they stepped into the back of the line which had wrapped around the block.

"Looks like a high end strip club." Finn said eliciting a hiss from the couple in front of them. 'Sorry' he mouthed as the line inched ahead.

"Actually, from what my friends told me there isn't any nudity. They rotate the shows, so tonight is burlesque and then a concert. Supposedly the performer is the next big thing."

Finn sighed loudly as they made their way to the box office. "Never figured women would be going to a burlesque show," he remarked at the numerous women on the line.

"Oh yeah, they pull both men and women from the audience and teach them. I saw it online the other day when my friend recommended it." Rick replied as he handed the woman at the door their tickets. "Hey, you could get lucky and have some hot performer teach ya how to do a little singing and striptease." He raised his arms slightly and mimicked a stripper's dance.

That was the last thing he needed, Finn thought as he rolled his eyes in response and trudged into the very crowded lobby.

Rick noticed and jostled him from the side. "Come on, buddy, live a little. We have to get you out of this rut. Do they even _have _women in Cleveland? Or are we back to this Rachel thing?"

Finn waved him off, not at all interested in talking about Rachel, even with a good friend.

Once inside they grabbed a couple of seats closer to the front, much to Finn's objection. It wasn't that he didn't like theatre, far from it. In fact he had become a fan over the years due to Rachel's influence, but something about watching women dance suggestively made him feel guilty.

"Fuck me." He swore softly, but loudly enough to turn a few heads including Rick's.

"What?" He whispered while scanning his program.

Finn just shook his head in reponse. He felt guilty, which made no fucking sense. Why would he feel guilty? He glanced over at Rick who was looking over his program reading off the names of the various company members and then it dawned on him the reason why. He felt like he was somehow cheating. Cheating on Rachel...a woman who he technically wasn't with anymore, but still in love with. Super.

"I'll be back in a few." Finn said jumping up from his seat. "I need to run to the bathroom."

"Wait the show starts in like two minutes." Rick replied, somewhat annoyed at his friend.

"I'll be back. Just hold my seat." He replied already making his way through the aisle pulling his cell from his pocket. He heard Rick say something, but it was drowned out by the applause as the house lights went down. As he made his way up the darkly lit aisle he realized this wasn't how the night was supposed to go. He and Rick were supposed to have a guys' night to help him get his mind off of Rachel, but here he was unable to focus on anything but her. How fucked up was that?

Finn leaned against the wall staring at his cell. He wasn't sure why, but he needed to call her even if she just hung up on him. Maybe that would make the sick feeling in his stomach go away at least for the night. God, he hated the uncertainty and confusion that their "new" relationship had created. He quickly dialed her number and held his breath when he heard her voice.

"Hi. You've reached Rachel Berry. Sorry I missed you...leave a message or better yet, come see my show at..."

He didn't wait for the rest of the message. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and trudged back towards the theatre doors. The woman at the door said something about him getting back just in time, but he was too preoccupied to comprehend what she meant. Then a bright spotlight landed on him mid-step.

"Our next victim." Finn shook his head no and tried turning towards the back of the theatre to escape, but the woman added, "Can I have some help from our audience?" Finn had no clue what that meant until two men stood up and offered to help him to the stage. He lowered his head in defeat when he heard Rick shout his name in almost a reverance.

He swallowed thickly as he took his final steps on stage, trying to ignore the applause and cat calls. Why the hell were the fates against him? Theemcee took his hand in hers and led him to the center of the stage where the other "victims" were standing, either full of excitement or embarrassment.

"Now, the first rule of burlesque is to feel the music and our little 'Star' will show you just how it is done. Keep your eyes on her and follow along." He didn't want to be there, let alone follow along. But when he looked at his fellow victims, mesmerized by whatever they were watching, he finally looked at the petite dancer commanding the audience with each suggestive movement.

When the music stopped the young seductress turned to face her students only to freeze when she saw him.

Finn swore if he could have died from lack of oxygen to the brain it would have been at that very moment.

Because every ounce of air was sucked out of the room when their eyes landed on one another.

It was Rachel.

Lyrics from Animal by Neon Trees


	7. Chapter 7

A/N from wants2beawriter: Hi All! Sorry for the delay in updating. Hopefully you all will consider this chapter will be worth the wait. Thanks to everyone has read, reviewed and/or alerted. This chapter was fairly difficult to write as to the emotional nature of it, so your feedback would truly be appreciated. That way I know if we hit our mark.

A/N from iGoToExtremes: I saw Cory Monteith on the street today & he waved to me. That is all.

Disclaimer: We definitely do not own Glee.

Chapter 7

"Why are you here?" Rachel whispered angrily as she pushed past him into the small dressing room. She knew that disapproving look and she didn't need to be judged tonight. Honestly she was just proud she managed to make it through the remainder of the show knowing he was in the audience watching her.

She was ready for his rant when she heard his heavy footsteps as he closed the distance between them, but what she wasn't prepared for was his forceful grip on her arm, spinning her to face him. "What the hell Finn? Let go." She demanded now glaring back at him with the same look of animosity.

"Let go?" He snorted sarcastically, "You think I am going to let you go back out there and degrade yourself anymore? Yeah, that's not happening." She struggled against his hold wincing at the tightness of his grip.

"Finn, I am not degrading myself." She whined as she continued to writhe in hold, "Please…please, you are hurting me." Her words quickly penetrated the cloud of anger around them, and he dropped her arm as if it might burn him. She stepped back and he watched as she hugged herself protectively, stroking her forearms to soothe the pain.

He shook his head in seeming disbelief, probably wondering how they got to this point.

"Let me see." He commanded softly peeling her fingers off the reddened skin. "I…I'm so sorry." He said breathlessly as his hands skidded up and down the sore flesh. "I can't believe I…I didn't mean to grab you like that." Rachel nodded in reply but stepped back distancing herself even further.

"I know. It'll be fine." She replied softly before turning her back on him and returning to the wardrobe rack. He watched as she silently pulled her dress over her head, leaving her in nothing but a tiny black thong. He quickly turned so he wouldn't be tempted to haul her up against the wall.

"Rach, what are you doing?" He managed to squeak out.

"I'm changing for the next show." She replied, her voice muffled by the black shirt that was now covering her body. "You need to go."

"No, you're NOT going out there. Did you not see…? Rach, they were leering at you. It took everything I had not to throw you over my shoulder and carry you off stage."

Rachel spun around and stalked towards him, the anger radiating off her in waves. "No, don't you dare make it sound like I was doing something obscene or wrong. I was performing, Finn! And while it isn't _The Sound of Music _or _Wicked_, it is **still **performing. At a very reputable theater, I might add. Besides, you…you have no right to tell me what I can or can't do." She growled, poking him in the chest to emphasis her last point.

He wasn't sure if it was their proximity or the passion in her eyes or the conviction in her voice that reminded him so much of the girl he fell in love with, but he found himself unable to control his reaction.

"Like hell I don't." He growled as he cradled her face. Her eyes widened in response, but she didn't move. Instead her eyes fluttered shut when his lips collided forcefully with hers.

She didn't respond immediately and for a split second all she wanted to do was push him away. But it was no use. She let her entire body meld against his and her arms snaked tightly around his neck, surrendering to him and to the feelings she no longer wanted to deny.

His fingers traveled down her the sides of her neck, and he smiled against her now slightly parted lips when she shivered in response to his touch. He continued his teasing assault on her shoulders, slowly caressing them while sucking and nipping at her lower lip. His fingers then lightly brushed the sides of her breasts as he ran his tongue along the seam of her mouth. When she sighed, his hands skimmed along her rib cage before finally halting when he reached the curves of her hips. She gasped when his fingertips danced along the skin underneath the hem of her shirt.

"Why can't I control myself with you?" She mumbled as his lips briefly left hers to find the sensitive spot on her neck that was always both of their undoing.

"Same reason I can't." He whispered before seizing her mouth once again. When she gripped his shoulders and tried to speak he tightened his hold on her soft hips and then plunged his tongue into her warm mouth. Her doubts melted away, realizing that they were both She tightened her fingers in his hair as she kissed him back just as feverishly. His hands moved away from her hips and along her lower back and underneath her shirt, then danced up and down her spin. She arched against him, so not even a breath could pass between them.

"Finn…" She sighed as his lips left hers and began their downward assault on her neck. "I…I have to go on." He lips moved against her throat, sucking on the rapidly beating pulse point.

"No, no you don't." He breathed against her hot damp skin. She shivered at how his warm breath felt against her skin, but she couldn't let it continue. She pushed back almost frantically and stumbled back from him.

"Of…of course I do. This is my shot." He stepped towards her, trying to close the gap but she shook her head and held her hand against his chest. "No, I am going on and you have no right to say otherwise." They stood for a moment, their heavy breathing echoing in the silence.

"I most certainly… have a right." He stammered. "I…I care about you."

"You shouldn't…care I mean." She replied coolly backing towards the door. He watched as she increased the distance between them. He was suddenly filled with a myriad of emotions and by the look in her eyes; she was struggling just as much.

"You don't get to tell me how to feel Rachel." He barked as all of his emotions seemed to converge.

"I…I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel, just that after everything that has happened…"She rambled as he stalked towards her taking her hands firmly but not painfully, in his.

"Are you telling me that you have no feelings for me at all and that everything that happened between us has been purely physical?" He asked as his eyes frantically searched hers. When she looked away without replying he had his answer. "See, you can't say no because you can't lie to me."

"You need to stop this. You don't care about me. You still think of me as the girl you used to know. Not _me_." She replied imploringly as she pulled her hands out of his.

"What? No! No I don't believe that. You are still the same Rachel, _my_ Rachel. You just need to see that." He replied, crouching down so he could look into her watery eyes as he cradled her face in his hands.

"No Finn. That girl doesn't exist anymore." Rachel replied sadly and then added brokenly, " If she ever did."

"Rach, you aren't making any sense. Of course she existed…" He paused and looked directly in her eyes if that would make her understand more. Like he could see through her and all of this self-preservation crap. Like, he knew _her._ "She still does." She stayed locked in his gaze until they both turned when they heard someone clear their throat.

"Rach, Babe. You are on in 10. Everything okay here?" Rachel offered the man a small smile, but didn't move away from Finn.

"Yes everything is fine and I will be ready."

The man eyed Finn curiously before walking towards the stage entrance, "Oh and remember, contemporary. I have three agents and a record label rep out there to hear you. Make it count."

Rachel let out a shaky breath and cleared her throat. "See, this is my shot Finn; my shot to actually be a star. Please, you need to let me go." He lowered his hands and gave her a shoulder a gently squeeze before heading towards the door.

"I never doubted you'd be a star Rach. I just always thought you wanted me by your side when you were." She let out a strangled sob before quickly spinning on her heels and shouting hastily.

"Wait! Please wait!" With his hand on the stage door knob Finn sighed,

"What?" She knew she had two choices. Let him walk out the door and out of her life or lay it all out on the line. She chose the latter.

"I'm not perfect Finn. I…I screw up and make constant mistakes. I second guess myself and everyone around me. I want to be the center of attention and don't know how to handle it when I'm not."

"Really? You want to be the center of attention?" He asked without turning around and she could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'm trying to open up to you here and you're making jokes?" She put a hand on her hip and glared in his direction, but she had to suppress a laugh just the same.

He shook his head and turned on his heels. She swallowed when she saw the sadness mixed with hope in his eyes. "Sorry." He croaked, his voice shaky.

She took a deep breath as he came towards her. "I need to say something before I go on. And no matter what is said here, I _will _go on stage."

"Fine," he sighed.

"Right, so I am not perfect and well, I am not as strong as you like to think I am. All through high school I felt like the ugly duckling. I was everyone's dumping ground." He head cocked to the side and she saw the pained look on his face. "Not yours." She added in a whisper, "Never yours, but see, you were it. My best friend, confidant, lover…you were my world, so it was hardly a surprise when I became utterly dependent on you and our relationship."

"I…I didn't mind." He interrupted and took another hesitant step in her direction to which she shook her head.

"No, I, I can't say this if you are touching me." He let out a ragged breath, but stopped his approach. "Thank you. So, I was dependent on you for my emotional well-being, which wasn't fair to either of us, but at the time I didn't see it. I just thought I loved you more intensely than most girls my age. But aside from being atypical, it wasn't _healthy_, Finn."

"I felt the same way about you." Rachel gave him a sad smile, but didn't respond. She needed to say all of this without getting caught up in how he felt about her before she finally let him see all of her demons.

"So, my dreams of being a star in NY were no longer just about me. You became entangled in every vision I ever had, so I convinced you, subtly of course, that NY would be better for you than playing ball in Ohio. Which was manipulative and for that I am truly sorry."

"You didn't manipulate me. I wanted to come here with you. I couldn't envision my life without you either." He spouted back.

"Don't you see? It was because I planted that seed in your head." She replied quickly knowing they were running out of time before she needed to be on stage. "You lost your dreams because of me and I was too selfish and damaged to see it."

"Stop. This is ridiculous. I loved you and yes, it might have been a little extreme for a high school kid, but it was my choice, so stop taking all the blame yourself." He barked, angrily, although he wasn't sure what he was angrier about; the way she blamed herself for all of their problems or how she was ignoring his feelings.

"Don't you see? I have to take responsibility for it because it started killing me. Especially when we were in our third year here and you started interning at all hours of the day and night and I was alone." When he went to interrupt she shouted startling him into silence, "I was alone Finn, for the first time in years and I hated it. I hated not having you to talk to. I hated not being able to rely on you for everything and I eventually I hated myself for not being able to handle life on my own. So, one day, I decided enough was enough. You had a career track, friends and a life outside of me and that I needed to try and do the same. I needed to figure out how be 'Rachel' without 'Finn'."

"Rach, I never left you." He croaked out and her heart broke a little more.

"I know that now, but then…then I just felt abandoned. So, I started making friends, going for auditions, going to bars after classes." She swallowed hard knowing the next part was going to crush him, but she needed to tell him everything, "Men had ever noticed me before, well besides you, so when they did…it was flattering and somewhat empowering."

"I see." He replied solemnly. She grabbed his hands in hers and held on tightly.

"I thought that if other men noticed me that somehow that fixed me. I thought maybe it meant I was able to be someone without you. Then when I came home that day and you were trying to be supportive and loving, well I snapped because you were right when you said I felt guilty. I felt guilty for so many things, but you need to know, I never, ever cheated on you. Not once." Finn stayed silent staring into space for a moment and she thought she would crawl out of her skin. "Say something." She whispered and it reminded her of earlier in her kitchen. She had asked for this gut-wrenching pain by confessing everything.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked distantly. "You basically just said that my career ambitions and hard work are what made you break up with me. Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to be away from you all the time? I had to literally force myself not to climb back into bed with you every morning. But everything I did, I did for us. I wanted to have a stable job and income and make something of myself while you followed your own dreams." He looked down at the floor awkwardly. "All I ever wanted was to make you happy, and yet apparently I did the exact opposite of that. And despite now feeling like a complete asshole, I'd love to try to fix it, and make you happy again. But you keep saying that the girl who I used to love – who I _still _love – doesn't exist any more, so why should I bother? There's obviously still that spark between us, but even amidst our little secret meetings you've done everything to try and keep emotions out of it. I'm just not sure what to make of all the mixed signals."

She thought for a minute, mulling over his response. Then the idea came to her. She honestly couldn't think of anything else to _say _to him to convince her of the way she felt. But she could convey it a little better…_maybe_. She quickly turned towards him and said, "Give me another chance. Stay and watch me sing. You know it's the best way for me to express myself." He let out a ragged breath and took a tentative step towards her, but then seemed to be unable to move forward.

She stood there rocking on the balls of her feet waiting for his answer. Then Dan came by and told her she needed to get on stage in 90 seconds_. _

"I…I have to go on now." She said, barely able to hear over the thundering of her heart against her chest. Finn didn't say anything and seemed to be avoiding eye contact.

"Finn, please," she said quietly as she exited her dressing room and approached the wings. He only offered a sad half-smile and made off for the back hallway exit.

She stood for a moment, unable to do anything but breathe until Dan appeared from behind the stage curtain.

"Now or never Babe. You lucked out when Molly got sick. Ready?" She took a cleansing breath and nodded before taking her place on stage, in the spotlight, alone. She closed her eyes as the band began to play letting the music course through her. It wasn't until the first few words came out that she realized she'd never really be happy without him.

_I never promised you a ray of light,  
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,  
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.  
Why do you put me on a pedestal,  
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,  
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there._

_One thing is clear,  
I wear a halo,  
I wear a halo when you look at me,  
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so  
you wouldn't say so, if you were me  
And I, I just wanna love you,  
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you__…_

* * *

Rachel stepped outside and was immediately hit with a cool breeze. She couldn't believe how bittersweet the night had turned out to be. Her performance was flawless and because of it, she had been offered a small role in a real Broadway show as well as a couple of auditions, but because she had unloaded all of her emotional baggage on him, she feared she had also lost any hope of a future with Finn.

She quickly turned the corner, making sure to take note of her surroundings freezing when she saw a familiar, tall man leaning against the theatre entrance doors.

"What are you still doing here?" Rachel asked tightening the scarf around her neck as she hesitantly walked towards him.

"I never left. I wanted to, but…" He replied as he strode towards her, closing the remaining gap between them.

"But you stayed?" Rachel asked softly when he gently caressed her cheek.

"Yeah, I stayed." He replied and then pressed a feather light kiss to her forehead.

Song credit: Halo written by BETHANY JOY GALEOTTI. To hear the song in its entirety w/lyrics: .com/watch?v=jHA6Tp-DjM4


	8. Chapter 8

A/N from iGoToExtremes: Hello faithful readers. This chapter is where things get interesting, or at least I think so. Review and let us know how we're doing. And much love to my fantastic co-author on this lovely Mother's Day. :-D

A/N from wants2beawriter: Hi everyone! Thank you to all those who have read, reviewed, and/or alerted! As my co-author mentioned things start taking a turn in this chapter. So glad you all are enjoying our creation!

Disclaimer: Nope, we still don't own Glee

Chapter 8

"Finn? What are you doing?" Rachel called from her bedroom as he hurried around her apartment preparing a little surprise for her.

"You'll see, just another minute." He opened another closet and found what he was looking for, adding it to the tote bag that was now full of his supplies. "I'll be right back," he told her as he poked his head into her room. She looked up at him anxiously from her perch at the edge of her bed.

After their conversation backstage Finn had never been more confused in his entire life. He felt incredibly angry at the utter irony that he had driven Rachel away by being as ambitious as she'd always wanted him to be. And he resented that she didn't just tell him how she felt at the time. But she was being honest now, and that had to count for something.

So he stayed to watch her perform. Ever since they'd first met, he could always tell how Rachel was feeling by the way she sang. He decided that if he still saw promise in her eyes and felt the passion in her voice, he'd continue with his attempt to win her back. If not, he'd have to reconsider his entire plan... which, unbeknownst to her, now included him moving back to New York for a fairly impressive job.

He tried not to think about that little wrinkle.

Ultimately, Finn should've known he had no reason to worry. Rachel blew the audience away. He'd stayed out of sight to avoid distracting her, but even without any eye contact he felt that same connection they'd always shared. 

Obviously he'd felt some emotion during their afternoon get-togethers, but nothing like when she performed. Armed with the assuredness of their continuing bond, he also wanted to express himself in a manner that didn't involve just words... or ripping her clothes off. If they were really going to move forward, it required something sweet and simple.

Once he was satisfied with his impromptu setup effort, he popped back into her room. "You ready?"

"For my mysterious surprise?" Rachel tossed aside the magazine she'd been idly leafing through and sprung off the bed. "You could say that..."

Finn laughed and took her hand gently in his, leading her out of her apartment and to the stairwell at the end of the hall. Rachel laughed nervously as they approached it. "Are we going outside?"

"Maybe..." he answered playfully. "Close your eyes, please." If he was surprising her, he was doing it right. He carefully guided her up the stairs to the roof. Once she has stepped out a few paces he let go of her hands. "Okay, open."

He watched intently as Rachel opened her eyes and saw the blanket, candles, cartons of ice cream, and the iPod dock. "You remembered," she murmured as she stared at the setup.

"Of course I remembered," he whispered in her ear as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her petite form. "Back in the day I felt so bad that we didn't have time to do all the little things you talked about. Figured the 'ice cream picnic under the stars' was a good place to start." It was the middle of spring, and despite the slight chill in the night air it was still pleasant enough to spend some time outside.

Rachel wriggled a little in his arms and he released her just enough so she could turn to face him. Then she reached up to place a soft kiss on his lips. "What a sweet idea... Literally!" she giggled.

He chuckled at her quip as he led her over to the blanket. They sat cross-legged and she reached for the carton of vanilla fudge swirl along with two spoons.

"So how's Cleveland?" she asked as she swallowed her first mouthful of ice cream.

"It's okay," Finn shrugged. He told her a little about his present radio host gig, conveniently leaving out the show's impending cancellation, and the few coworkers with whom he socialized away from the station. And he mentioned that he'd seen Mike, Tina, Brittany, and Santana two weekends prior. "They all asked about you, just so you know," he made sure to mention.

She only offered a reserved smile in response and kept eating the ice cream. Finn was hoping she'd open up a little more about what she'd been up to in NY lately, but he didn't want to push her.

A moment later she shivered slightly. "I'm cold. Do you want to go back inside?" she asked.

"Ah, no need," he remarked as he reached into the tote bag, pulling out one of her sweatshirts and an extra blanket. While she put the sweatshirt on he took the now half-empty carton of ice cream from her and placed it to the side, before situating himself right next to her and wrapping the blanket around them. "We can also move on to the stargazing portion of the picnic," he pointed out, laying back and coaxing her to do the same.

After they settled in and stared up at the sky for a moment, Rachel laughed. "There are maybe three stars in the sky."

"Yeah, I guess we never thought about the whole urban-light-pollution thing," he said glumly.

"We're not in Lima anymore, Toto," she joked, poking his side playfully.

"Hey, when's the last time you were even there?" he asked cautiously.

She sighed every so subtly. "Two Thanksgivings ago. Usually my dads are more than happy to visit me, and going back there never felt right after..."

Finn felt a pang in his chest as she trailed off. Unsure of an appropriate verbal response, he stroked her arm soothingly and gently nuzzled her ear with his cheek.

"Did I see Rick there with you tonight?" she asked, changing the subject. "How's he doing?"

Finn answered that he was good, and enjoying his job as a video coordinator for CBS Sports. "Oddly enough he's the one who wanted to go to your theater tonight," Finn added quizzically, and they both laughed since it was the last place either of them would expect his college friend to know about, let alone patronize.

"Well," Rachel began, turning over onto her stomach so she could face Finn. "You should tell him that if he goes back, he won't see me there any more."

Finn sat up again and slowly processed what she said as the grin crept across her face. "Wait... did you quit?" He was glad to hear it, truthfully, but panic set in as he began to worry that he had influenced her to make a rash career decision without having any sort of backup plan in place.

"Yep. After my set I was offered a small role in How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, and a few auditions." She took his hands in hers and smiled confidently. "It's like it all finally came together. I'd been so patient and it seemed like it would never happen but I seem to have gotten a break. And I have you to thank for it."

Finn's heart swelled at the great news and Rachel's kind words. He leaned down to kiss her, firmly but lovingly, a hand at the back of her neck. "I always knew you could do it," he whispered. He had been so worried about how she'd react to his new job given the present state of her career. But now that she was on the cusp of success herself, he had fewer reservations about it.

When she pulled away from the kiss, though, she seemed suddenly sad. "It's a shame you're going back to Cleveland in 36 hours," she remarked softly.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything - about his new job and impending move, about how he wanted to be with her every single day, about how he never stopped loving her even when they were apart. But he couldn't form any words before Rachel continued talking.

"It's probably just as well," she went on. "I like this, you and me again. But I need to focus on my career and finally getting it right." She paused and looked down sadly. "I was pretty messed up for a while, Finn. Although your being here has righted my ship, I still have a ways to go on my own before... anything else."

He knew his face had fallen blankly distraught, so he wasn't surprised when Rachel tried to comfort him and take the edge off. "I don't want to lose you again, though. Maybe we can see each other once a month or so? I'll even visit you in Cleveland. We can see how it goes." She offered a warm, hopeful smile.

He grinned back at her genuinely. "I'd like that."

It wasn't a bad plan, both according to her mindset wherein he was stuck in Ohio for the foreseeable future, and in the reality that had him moving back to NY in a month anyhow. At the very least it bought some time for her to get on solid footing with her acting career, before he surprised her with good news of his own.

"You know I'm really proud of you, right? For your career success." She leaned against him and they laid down once again. "I'm sorry if I didn't say that enough." The last part was sincere, and not a sarcastic attempt to extract an apology from Finn like high school Rachel might have made.

Finn felt like his heart was tearing into pieces. He was so happy for Rachel's big break, and that she recognized her own need for personal growth. But he hated the idea of having to conceal his upcoming move back to NY. Regardless, the next day would be their last one together for a while, so they had to make the most of it.

Rachel yawned and snuggled against him, their long and emotional day evidently having caught up with her. He smiled and stroked her hair thinking about how far they'd come since the late morning when he'd shown up for their scheduled rendezvous and turned the tables on her.

"Do you want to go inside?" he asked, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Sure." She squeezed his side gently before sitting up and throwing the blanket off of them.

Finn stood and began cleaning up the remnants of their impromptu nighttime picnic. It was nearly 2 AM. "Any idea if Kurt's back yet?"

"Ohh," Rachel breathed before reaching into her pocket for her phone. She pressed a few buttons and made a satisfied face. "Date must be going well. No texts yet. And he always let's me know when he's on his way home."

"Ah, cool." Finn allowed himself a discrete sigh of relief. He figured he'd let Rachel take the lead in explaining their reconciliation and present relationship status, but he needed to speak to his stepbrother first about the gaping hole in his side of the story.

When they returned to the apartment Finn put the blankets away and discarded their trash. Afterwards he found Rachel in her room, clad in only his infamous pajama shirt. Her back was to him as she hung her jeans in her closet, her dark hair loose and cascading down her back.

His breath caught in his throat at the sight, due mostly to her exquisite beauty but also because of the implications of her wearing that shirt again. They had made such progress that evening, emotionally; now he feared that she wanted to erase all of it by reverting to their primal instincts. He momentarily panicked about how suggesting they go inside had given her the wrong idea.

When Rachel turned around, though, the bright smile on her face put him at ease. It was quite a contrast to earlier that day when she'd worn that shirt in a detached attempt to seduce him. She closed the distance between them and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his already parted lips.

The feeling of her soft mouth on his own made his heart full and his knees weak. Nonetheless, he didn't want to mess with their still-fragile dynamic. He pulled away from the kiss, nervously playing with the hem of her shirt and trying to formulate an explanation for his reluctance.

"Stay." Once again she spoke before he had the chance to say anything, the look in her eyes simultaneously determined and loving. As if to demonstrate that it would do him no harm, Rachel peeled back the covers on her bed and slipped underneath them.

Still cautious about their ability to control themselves, Finn shed his jeans, button-down shirt, and wifebeater, leaving him in only boxers. As she reached to turn off the nightstand lamp he quickly texted Rick that he was staying at Rachel's. Then he joined her under the covers.

As they melded together between her sheets, he reveled in the sheer happiness of having her next to him, both physically and emotionally. His inner turmoil over the tenuous circumstances of their reconciliation had quieted, and he focused only on the feeling of her small form pressed against his.

She leaned up to kiss him again, this time a very chaste peck. "Good night," she said softly, resting her cheek on his chest.

"Great night," he replied, eliciting a delicate chuckle and kiss to his neck.

-  
Kurt dried off from his morning shower and slipped on his bathrobe. He combed and gelled his hair but didn't get dressed since he needed to put the quiche in the oven ASAP. Walking past the closed door of Rachel's bedroom he sighed to himself. She really hadn't seemed right over the last several days, and he thought it had something to do with seeing Finn again. But she denied it the other day, and in the meantime she hadn't been around all that much. When she _was _there she certainly didn't seem interested in talking, so Kurt couldn't confirm these suspicions.

When Finn and Rachel first broke up, Kurt braced for the worst. The first few months were tense, and he felt like he was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand he empathized with the shock Finn endured. But Rachel was completely within her rights to admit she wanted something different, and it wasn't an easy thing for her to come to grips with.

Kurt's success in maintaining an amicable relationship with his step-brother and staying close friends with Rachel had a lot to do with the fact that Finn left New York. So his excitement at Finn's impending move back to the city came with the big caveat that he didn't want it to be awkward. Finn had assured him that he didn't mind Kurt and Rachel living together, but that was before the two of them got _reacquainted_ at the club the other night. Kurt shivered at the memory of finding them as he beat the eggs for the quiche.

The new wrinkle involving Finn's job also had Kurt worried. Kurt thought it would be best if she heard about Finn's plans from him directly, with other people around to decrease the likelihood of a diva freakout. Rachel constantly swore that she was content with where her own career had gone. Kurt had seen her show and it was a lot classier than it sounded, but it still wasn't the life she'd dreamed of during her childhood and teenage years. Similarly, though, he didn't want to be the one to tell Finn about the nature of her current "role", which is why he'd shamelessly avoided the subject the previous afternoon. He pushed the pan into the oven and chuckled to himself, unable to decide which one of them would be more upset with the other when this information was exchanged.

He started squeezing some oranges, and a few minutes later a door creaked open slowly and then closed gently. Kurt sighed to himself; even the sound of Rachel's bedroom door was sad. Soft footsteps approached the kitchen and he willed himself to be upbeat and cheerful, for her sake, as he moved on to making a pitcher of bellinis.

"Good morning! Can I get you a pre-brunch beverage?" he asked without looking up from the counter, his back to the rest of the kitchen.

"Mmph, coffee would be great."

Kurt froze and turned around to gaze upon his stepbrother, clad only in boxers and rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Finn?"


	9. Chapter 9

A/N from iGoToExtremes: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. While my co-author was hanging out with Bonnie Dune I was a little bogged down with slightly less glamorous aspects of life. Hope you enjoy.

A/N from wants2beawriter: Thanks everyone for all the feedback! Hope you are enjoying our story's progression.

Disclaimer: No we still don't own Glee

Chapter 9

Kurt stared at Finn in disbelief.

"Uh, yeah, mornin' dude." Finn said, clearly trying to sound nonchalant.

Kurt only raised his eyebrows, inviting an explanation for Finn having spent the night with Rachel. They weren't accountable to him for their romantic intentions, he realized, but his curiosity mounted considering how distraught and daunted Finn had been the previous afternoon.

"It's complicated," he whispered nervously, looking over his shoulder. "Look, I hate to put you in this position but whatever happens today, just go with it."

"Oh God, she doesn't know?" Kurt felt all the blood rush out of his face. "You two slept together _again_ but you didn't tell her?"

Before Finn could respond, though, the door creaked open again and Rachel padded her way into the kitchen. She was wearing what appeared to be a man's pajama shirt, size XL.

Kurt really didn't want to know.

"Morning!" she said brightly, stretching and yawning daintily as she sidled up next to Finn, who seemed a little stiff and apprehensive but relaxed when she snaked an arm around his waist and leaned against him. Kurt tried not to look appalled as he studied their interaction.

Rachel smiled shyly at him. "We're seeing how it goes." Her statement was short and plain before her eyes diverted to the clock above the stovetop. "Oh! We only have 40 minutes until people get here for brunch! Let me take a really quick shower and then I'll help you finish setting up," she said to him before turning back to Finn. "You'll go back to Rick's to change and come over with him?"

Finn nodded and shot Kurt a wary look before slinking off to get dressed. Now alone with Rachel, Kurt took a deep breath and was ready to lay into her but she beat him to it.

"I know what you're going to say," she began in a resigned whisper. "But everything is coming together so well! I'll explain it all later, I promise!" She was practically squealing as she engulfed him in a hug and then ran out of the kitchen to see Finn off.

Kurt heard Finn leave through the front door and the shower turn on and allowed himself to exhale. He wanted Finn and Rachel back together, but shuddered at the potentially disastrous consequences of whatever this tenuous reunion was. Kurt knew that his step-brother would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone, but sometimes there were omissions and half-truths that came back to bite him later on. (See: Santanagate, circa junior year of high school.)

Kurt quickly arranged plates of scones and muffins before moving on to slicing some cantaloupe, endless questions running through his head. Why would Finn keep the move from Rachel? How much did he know about the status of her career? What circumstances led to Finn sleeping there last night? He smirked at the thought that they'd been seeing each other in secret since Wednesday night but dismissed that notion as ridiculous.

Returning to his room, Kurt passed the bathroom and heard Rachel singing from inside the shower. The corner of his mouth turned up into a small smile at the sound. It'd been so long since she seemed the least bit cheerful and optimistic. As he dressed he tried to channel that positivity. They'd have a nice brunch, he'd convince Finn to be honest with Rachel sometime in the next 24 hours before he left for Cleveland, and it'd all be dandy.

It was NOT all dandy.

The few friends that Kurt had invited over all cancelled at the last minute for various reasons, so their guest list had dwindled to just Finn, Rick, and Kelsey, Rachel's friend who used to work at the same theater before moving on to a more scandalous burlesque troupe.

All three arrived at around the same time, and after proper introductions Kelsey clearly began undressing Finn with her eyes. Not that he noticed, amidst his fixation on Rachel and not-so-subtle efforts to seem relaxed. Meanwhile, Rick looked like he'd been run over by a truck, having obviously continued with the guys-night agenda after Finn went off with Rachel.

Kurt looked over at the bridge table they'd set up in the living room, containing the ample spread of food and drink. He had planned on serving buffet-style, with seating on the couch and folding chairs. "I guess since there are only five of us we might as well sit at the table," he sighed.

After everyone had taken food and began to eat, Rachel cleared her throat. "Well, since we're all settled, I have some news to share."

Kurt put down his fork, eager to learn what the he'll was going on.

"Last night, by what I'm told is sheer and utter coincidence, these two fine gentlemen attended my performance. After my usual act I had the opportunity to perform a solo since my colleague scheduled to perform was ill. In between, Finn found me backstage and we had a very honest conversation about our past." She looked over at Finn and squeezed his hand atop the table. "I was able to channel that emotion into an epic performance that won me both another chance with Finn, a small role in How To Succeed in Business... and a few other auditions."

"Rach! Sweetie that's amazing!" Kelsey exclaimed. "All of those things," she added, glancing at Finn approvingly.

"Thank you," Rachel offered simply before a deep breath. "In light of those professional opportunities, I quit the burlesque show. It's time for me to focus on what's important." She focused her gaze on Finn's face, where a small smile had settled.

Kurt gaped openly at the barrage of information that had just spilled from his roommate's mouth, unsure of how to respond given Finn's earlier warning.

Luckily Rick broke the ice. "I don't know Rachel, many would argue that the work you were doing last night is pretty important," he cracked before receiving a death-glare from Finn. "Kidding! I'm kidding!" He raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Well, I for one raise my glass to Rachel and her new opportunities," Kelsey began, and they all toasted. "And to her famous radio host boyfriend," she added as she set her glass down, grinning at Finn.

Finn laughed awkwardly as they all resumed eating. "I'm really not that famous, just a faceless talking head on Ohio sports radio."

"Well sweetie, keep talking because eventually someone will notice your face and you'll wind up on TV or something." She raised an eyebrow for effect.

Finn cleared his throat awkwardly and reached for his glass again. "Uhh, I don't know about that—" He stopped mid-sentence when his glass toppled over and its contents spilled onto the tray of uneaten quiche.

"Oh no!" Kurt exclaimed at the site of his now compromised breakfast creation.

"Crap, Kurt, I'm sorry!" Finn stood hurriedly and tried to soak up the juice with his napkin.

Kurt knew that wasn't going to work so he grabbed the whole tray and whisked it around the corner into the kitchen. Finn followed closely behind and grabbed the paper towels from atop the refrigerator. Kurt was tense as he began to sop up the juice from around the quiche.

"I just don't understand," Kurt said quietly once the situation was under control, not bothering to hide his exasperation. "You're clearly terrible at keeping secrets. If Rachel's career has turned a corner – and she obviously credits you for it, somewhat – why didn't you just tell her your news?"

Finn frowned. "I wanted to, obviously." He looked at the floor. "But you know how she is, I was afraid of stealing her thunder or something. Besides, before I could even get there she totally Rachel-ed on me and went into a whole thing about how it's good that I'll be in Cleveland so she can keep her attention on her career while we see how it goes from afar, meet up once a month or whatever."

"Ahh, and you, dear brother, figure that all will be told in time, yadda yadda yadda." Kurt nodded thoughtfully as he finished sopping the remaining juice off of the quiche. "Well. I can't say your reasoning is entirely flawed, and I will do my best to help you maintain this facade. But you know that I think this could be a disaster."

Finn sighed before responding in a whisper. "I know."

The rest of the brunch proceeded amicably enough. Now aware that Finn was off the market Kelsey had transferred her ravenous stares to Rick, who seemed only slightly uncomfortable. After they finished eating she had to take off to prepare for her performances that evening, and Kurt noticed that she silently slipped him her number before heading out.

The guys graciously helped Rachel and Kurt with some of the cleanup, throwing away trash ans putting leftover food into plastic containers, before she insisted that their help was no longer needed.

"I feel very badly about stealing you away from Rick last night." She faced Finn and slipped her arms around his waist. "Why don't you two go have a few beers and watch the game or something? You and I can meet up later for dinner... and other activities." She whispered the last part but Kurt still heard it, and cringed accordingly from his perch at the sink where he'd started on the dishes. He heard Rick muffle a laugh as he tied up a bag of garbage.

"You sure?" Finn asked apprehensively. "I'm leaving in the morning and wanted to spend the whole day with you..."

"Aww, I know baby. I promise it'll be worth the wait, though."

Kurt saw the distinct batting of eyelashes and held back a snicker. Rachel had managed to revive her innocently-sweet personality from high school and college and fuse it with her seductress demeanor of the past few years. Finn was in deep, and as Puckerman might say, needed to locate his balls.

So, Kurt cleared his throat and chimed in. "We really can take it from here, guys. Go out and have fun watching the Jets."

"It's spring, dude. Baseball, not football. Mets, not Jets." Rick teased as they made their way to the door.

"Whatever." Kurt indulged in one last eye roll before forcing his expression to even out. "Thanks for coming! Finn, I imagine I'll see you later or tomorrow."

"Yep, thanks for brunch, dude. Sorry about the quiche," he said sheepishly. "Rach, I'll call you later."

"You better," she teased, lingering in the doorway as they retreated down the hall.

Kurt didn't waste any time once the door to their apartment closed. "Okay Berry. Spill."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N from iGoToExtremes: We happily present the next installment of our little saga, written by my eloquent and talented co-author. I am certain you will enjoy it.

A/N from wants2beawriter: Thank you all for sticking with us during this lull. I take full responsibility for the delay in posting. Had some major writer's block, but thanks to my fabulous co-author we were able to hammer out a lovely chapter. Hope you all enjoy!

Special thank you to Kenz for the beta work! We really appreciate the help from such greatness!

* * *

Disclaimer: We do not, nor have ever owned Glee.

* * *

"Okay so tell me everything! When did you two get back together?" Kurt said excitedly as Rachel took a small sip of her water.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Rachel sighed somewhat dreamily, but froze when Kurt nodded and clapped his hands together.

"So, is it safe to assume that you two love birds will be making things permanent in the not so distant future?" Rachel's eyes narrowed in response.

"Love birds? I think you are taking things a little too far Kurt. Finn and I have come to an _understanding _if you will." She replied as she tossed her empty bottle in the recycling bin and wandered out of the kitchen, leaving behind a now confused and frustrated best friend.

"Hold it right there Miss Thing. You do not get to tell me in one breath how wonderful if it is to be back in a relationship with my brother and then that you and he have reached 'understanding' in the next! What gives?"

"It is simple really," she replied and then shook her head when Kurt crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"Nothing is simple with you two; not then, not now, not ever," he mumbled.

"No, this time it is. We decided to take things day by day and see what happens. It is really the best of both worlds," she said imploringly.

"Right and how, pray tell, is this situation the best of both worlds?" he replied with a wave of his hand. Rachel nodded and clasped her hands behind her back, slowly rocking on her bare heels.

"Well, he and I are casual, but…" When Kurt scoffed she held up one hand to hold him at bay, "…no, hear me out, Finn and I obviously have unresolved feelings for one another."

"And this is news how?"

"Ugh, Kurt, you know what. I think it is best if you and I do not discuss my relationship with Finn as you are clearly not going to be supportive!" she spat, spun on her heels and stormed into the bathroom.

"Oh no! You do not get to have a typical Ms. Berry storm out on me!"

"GO AWAY KURT!" she screamed through the now running shower. He pushed open the door.

"Not supportive? Did you just have the audacity to say that to me after _everything_? " Kurt argued his voice squeaking with hurt.

"No, no you are right and I apologize for saying that. It's just…he and I are trying this out and while I understand you don't approve it…"

"Don't approve? Honestly Rachel I don't know which one of you is slower on the uptake." When Rachel growled in response Kurt laughed loudly.

"Are you insinuating that I am somehow not capable of making good decisions?" Kurt laughed again.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?"

"Fine, so I haven't necessarily made the best choices in the past, but it is because I am being cautious and responsible that I am not rushing into a full-fledged relationship. He and I are free to come and go as we please without any…"

"Poppy-cock!"

"Excuse me?" Rachel said angrily.

"You heard me! You are deluding yourself if you think you two can have a sustainable casual relationship without hurting one another again and you know it!"

"We can! I won't hurt him again. I can't hurt him," she argued her voice dropping to a whisper.

"And how do you think that is going to happen? Are you two exclusive? Because I can guarantee if he finds out you are seeing and I use the term '_seeing_' loosely, other people, he will be devastated."

"Who said I am going to see other people?"

"Please, you said you two were going to meet up once a month. Are you telling me that you, the woman who has had more action in the past 3 years than I will ever have in my lifetime, is going to remain celibate?" Rachel peered out from behind the shower curtain.

"I can. I know I can."

"Rachel, you use sex to bury your feelings and what is going to happen when you have no outlet?"

"I have nothing to bury anymore. I don't have to pretend that I don't…"

"Don't what?" Kurt asked knowingly.

"Nothing Kurt. I don't want to talk about this." She groaned and pulled the curtain shut.

"You need to talk about this or you will be at square one! You can't just have a sexual relationship with him. He isn't wired like you are. He can't handle it!" Kurt yelled, his voice up almost an entire octave.

"OH! You don't think he can handle it? That's why he and I have been having sex ever since the night at the club? He seemed to be handling it just fine; it is me that almost died when he walked away which is why we haven't been intimate since…_shit_."

"I am not even going to discuss the fact you just disclosed that you and my brother have been hooking up regularly for the last few days, nor the fact that you have been flat out lying to me, but we are going to address your last statement. You love him and you need to face it. Do you remember what happened the last time you broke up?"

"It isn't the same and I never said I loved him," Rachel argued pathetically.

"Right and the Pope isn't Catholic. You love him. Why can't you say just say it?"

"Because," she said simply.

"Because why? Rachel, you have to know he loves you. That he has loved you since he was 16 and never stopped, even when you broke his heart 10 fold."

"That…that's why!" She whimpered, no longer knowing what was water from the shower head and what was tears. "If I say it out loud…then it is true and I won't be able to take it day by day. You know how it is with us. We dive in head first. Our relationship becomes so intense that it is all-consuming and co –dependent."

"But you aren't the same people. You have grown as individuals and your lives are no longer intertwined in every possible way. You can't do what you are doing forever. Eventually one of you will break."

"That may be true to an extent, but I am not ready…"

"Stop! You have to stop making everything about you! What about him? Do you think he really wants this type of relationship? Oh and don't tell me he was perfectly okay with a casual fling because we both know Finn couldn't do casual if his life depended on it. He is the poster child for monogamy!"

"Please, can you just trust that I know what I am doing and no one is going to get hurt?"

"No, no I can't. I sat by and watched as you two unraveled well before either of you knew it was happening. You have to either commit to this or let it go because you can't afford to fall apart this time around. You have the opportunity of a lifetime at your fingertips and if you screw this up…"

"Don't you think I know all this? I know I should be solely focusing on my career, but I can't ignore the fact that it all seemed to happen when Finn finally showed back up in my life."

"God Rachel, your thought process is giving me whiplash!" Kurt sighed. "You can't have it both ways. You either want a future with him or you don't!"

"That is the problem…I have always wanted a future with him, so much so that I completely lose myself in him. I am no longer Rachel Berry, future Broadway superstar, I am…Finn's Rachel or Finn's girlfriend…I can't be that girl!" Kurt shook his head angrily and yanked the shower curtain open shocking a very naked Rachel. "KURT!"

"Please, like I haven't seen you in worse states of undress. At least you're not passed out in the hallway. Now, you need to listen carefully. If you don't want to be that girl, then don't! Be the strong young woman that he fell in love with, the girl he depended on, MY BEST FRIEND! Stop being this selfish, self-deluded, weak person you have become. Do you want to be happy, Rachel?" Rachel wrapped her arms around her upper and lower body as an emotional protection as well as physical.

"Of course I want to be happy."

"Then be happy. Stop wallowing and pretending. Take your life back!" Rachel let out a shaky breath.

"How? How do I do that?" Kurt gave her a knowing smile.

"I think we can come up with something."

* * *

"Wine?"

"Check."

"Wine glasses?

"Check."

"Cork Screw?"

"Check."

"Food?"

"Check."

"Blanket?"

"Check."

"Candy?"

"Candy?"

"Yes Kurt, candy! I told you that!"

"Fine, yes, I picked up those stupid sour patch things." He sighed.

"Then why did you make it sound like I was crazy?" Rachel asked exasperatedly.

"Because I had hoped you would have forgotten and brought something like dark chocolate sauce with long stemmed strawberries for dessert."

"Those sounds divine, but…but those stupid sour patch things were Finn's favorite when we were younger and I…I just want him to know that I am serious about our future."

"While I appreciate that you are finally making a proper decision I don't understand how his favorite childhood candy has that much significance," Kurt replied casually as he placed the last of the items in the basket.

"I know it doesn't make much sense to an outsider." When Kurt froze, the napkins hitting the floor Rachel stammered, "No, not that you are an outsider, it's just that I want him to know I remember the little things, as I believe those little things are important. Does that make any sense or am I just grasping at straws?"

"No, I do understand. You want him to know you care. It is sweet in a sickening type of way, but sweet none the less. Now, are you ready to sweep my brother off his feet?"

"Yes," she said unsurely and then asked, "What if he doesn't want permanent? What if after a month apart he decides that he really was happy with just a fling? Or what if…"

"Look at me," Kurt interjected, taking Rachel's hands in his, "Now breathe." She took in a shaky breath and nodded. "He loves you. He wants a future with you."

"How…how do you know?" Rachel asked and Kurt smiled tightly. He wanted to tell her that Finn was moving to New York and wanted a future with her more than anything else in life, but as much as he wanted to, it wasn't his secret to tell, no matter how horrible of an idea he thought keeping it from Rachel was.

"I just know my step-brother, so trust me. He will be over the moon at the prospect of a Rachel and Finn part II or III, how many times are you two?" Kurt said jovially as Rachel shoved at him playfully.

"Stop! I just want this to be perfect. I don't want a mini-series, just a happily ever after," she replied tearfully. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder giving her a gently squeeze.

"And you will have it."

* * *

"This was all amazing Rach, but you know you didn't have to go through all this trouble," Finn murmured as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. She snuggled her back against him and shrugged.

"I know I didn't have to, but you are leaving tomorrow, so I wanted tonight to be special."

"Well you definitely made it that. It makes me really not want to leave." Rachel turned so she was sitting on her knees facing him.

"Do you mean that?" He smiled slightly confused by her question.

"Of course. I'd love to stay longer, but…" Rachel took his much larger hands in hers and shook her head.

"No, I mean, do you…I want you to…" She sighed and closed her eyes.

"What so you want me to do? You are confusing me here," he asked, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze to continue to which she nodded.

"I…I want you to stay…" She peeked an eye open and saw him staring at her with a curious expression and then she swallowed nervously, "…permanently."

"Permanently as in…?"

"I want to make _us _permanent. I…I love you and…"

"Really? You…" he asked quietly, now knowing how exactly to respond. She leaned up further and kissed him softly.

"I am so sorry for wasting time with the stupid casual nonsense. I should have known that I could never do that with you, but Kurt said…" He suddenly tensed and she furrowed her brows in confusion. Shouldn't he be happy?

"What did Kurt say to you?" he asked, almost panicky, and Rachel sat back down on her bare heels.

"He…nothing really, just that he knew you loved me too and wanted a future with me, but I guess he didn't know you as well as he thought, huh?" She pushed herself off the ground leaving him on the blanket covered ground in shock. "We should get back before it gets dark." He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap causing her to gasp at his sudden change in demeanor.

"I love you too, which I have never made a secret of, but…are you sure? You want to make this…us work? Even if I am living in Cleveland?" She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It isn't ideal and yes, I would much rather you live here with me, but given the fact that you can't, I will do whatever I need to, to make this work. I don't want to be me without you anymore. I…_can't_ be me without you."

"Really because you said you couldn't be you _with_ me, so…" She kissed him again and quickly pulled back smiling.

"See, that is where I was so incredibly stupid. I forgot who I was because I thought I needed to be someone else to be with you and it is so illogical, but you were succeeding and I wasn't and I thought that somehow if I changed or conformed we would fit, but the thing is we always fit. Just Finn and Rachel," she breathed out quickly then added, "If that makes any sense at all." He cradled her face and kissed her softly.

"Yeah, it makes perfect sense because I wasn't me without you either." She wiggled out of his embrace and laid back between his legs, resting the back of her head against his chest.

"I really do wish you could move here. I mean, I am not expecting us to move in together right away, but it would be nice to know you are in the same city." He physically tensed and kissed the crown of her head.

"You know, we should get back. My flight is really early and I can't miss it. I have a meeting in the afternoon." She groaned and looked up at him.

"On a Sunday? What kind of meeting could possibly take place then?" _The relocation kind_, he replied silently, but couldn't tell her now. Not when they were so close to having absolutely everything.

"Some higher ups are coming to the station, so I need to meet with my staff to make sure that everything is ready to go for Monday's early show." She shrugged, stood up and held out her hand smiling brightly when he took it.

"So, I guess we need to clean up and go, but I do have a question." She asked as she picked up the wine glasses.

"What's that?"

"Well…do you want to spend the night? We don't have to actually _do_ anything. In fact, I kind of prefer if we don't; at least for now, I really just like the idea of waking up with you in the morning, like we used to. You know now that everything is out in the open and we are _us_ again."

He tossed the final items in the basket and tugged her close to him.

"I think I'd like that too."


	11. Chapter 11

AN from iGoToExtremes: Part of my reason for the delay in getting this chapter done is that my fantastic co-author came to visit me and we had all sorts of fantastic adventures. The other part is that then she left and I had to return to reality which isn't so kind these days. At any rate, I hope you enjoy where this is going.

AN from wants2beawriter: This chapter is definitely my co-author's baby and it is absolutely fabulous (just as she is)! I totally believe after our fantastical adventure that reality is definitely overrated and I would have much rather stayed in my vacation bubble for a bit longer, but sadly I could not lol. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and alerted.

Disclaimer: No we do not own Glee.

Enjoy!

Chapter 11

Finn awoke to the delight of Rachel's small body tucked securely next to his in the comfort of her queen-sized bed.

If nothing else, their reconciliation had saved him two nights on Rick's uncomfortable couch, he thought with a smirk.

Returning his thoughts to the previous night, his expression relaxed into a content smile. Rachel had put together an awesome surprise picnic dinner, complete with their favorite red wine, delicious sandwiches, and even Sour Patch Kids for dessert. She set it all up in a little park near her apartment, one that was small and quaint enough to be private... but not so desolate as to feel unsafe. The thoughtful nature of the meal reminded him of the Rachel of old, always going above and beyond to get what she wanted. In this case her goal was to solidify their newly rekindled relationship.

She was right, of course, about everything. In spite of whatever challenges plagued them in high school and then as college students, they'd always worked so much better together than separately. He'd managed through the last few years by throwing himself into his career, which itself had been rewarding. Emotionally, though, he was closed off, especially when it came to women. Friends and colleagues were constantly trying to set him up with "very nice, very pretty" girls, but his heart wasn't in it. The whole ordeal made him want to avoid social situations altogether. Luckily his job required that he be personable and interact with others or he might've become a completely bitter and antisocial hermit.

Rachel, meanwhile had been doing exactly what she said she needed to do. Finn gave Kurt credit for trying to shield him from the whole truth, but he heard enough to gather that she was being somewhat loose with her intimate activities.

He honestly wasn't sure which made him sadder: the possibility of her having a new boyfriend (someone who made her happy in whatever ways he was apparently lacking), or the notion that she was finding herself by having various detached and emotionless hookups. His blood boiled at the idea of her being with other men under any circumstances, but he had forced himself to remain calm and patient while yearning for any potential opportunity for reconciliation.

Finn felt terrible for assuming that his brother had leaked the relocation news, but he was groping for an explanation for Rachel's quick reversal of thinking regarding their relationship. She had gone from casual to serious in a matter of days; what was he supposed to think? He'd figured on needing at least a few weeks to turn Rachel on to the idea of permanence, which of course had led to the predicament he was now in.

Just then, as though sensing his apprehension, Rachel stirred against him and resettled.

He really was in deep.

He gently slipped out from under the covers, cradling her arm that had been laying across his chest and setting it down gingerly so as not to disturb her. He felt his lips curl into a smile once more at the sight of her peacefully sleeping form.

As quietly as he could manage, Finn padded out of Rachel's room and into the bathroom to take a shower. Standing under the warm spray, he tried to shake the tension that now plagued him as he and Rachel were about to say goodbye. What worried him most was the delicate balance he had to strike over the next four weeks - navigating a long-distance relationship with Rachel Berry while preparing for his relocation and making sure that she didn't find out about said relocation until it had taken place. He pressed his forehead against the wet tile letting the water cascade down his back as he wondered if he was going to be able to handle it all.

Once he had finished showering he shut off the water, dried off, and wrapped a towel around his waist. Finding Rachel's bed empty he headed for the kitchen, where she was standing at the stove over a frying pan.

"Good morning," she said sweetly with a hint of melancholy undoubtedly driven by his impending departure.

Finn leaned against the counter beside her. "You didn't have to make me breakfast," he offered quietly.

"I know. But I wanted to." He thought he saw a gleam of moisture in her eye before she cleared her throat and smirked. "I hope you can tolerate turkey bacon. It's the only form of breakfast meat Kurt goes near."

"That's great, thanks." He moved so he was directly behind her and wrapped his arms around her pajama-clad form. After holding her for a moment amidst her cooking he kissed the top of her head and excused himself to get dressed.

When he returned to the kitchen Rachel was emptying the contents of the pan onto a large plate on the bar-style counter. He inhaled deeply, savoring the aroma that had filled the small apartment.

"Have to make sure you'll want to come back, after all," she giggled somewhat awkwardly.

Finn chuckled as well in response. The tension was still palpable but he appreciated Rachel's effort to keep their morning lighthearted.

Finn sat on a barstool and started eating the eggs while Rachel sat down next to him with a cup of yogurt and granola. She finished her much smaller breakfast fairly quickly and stood from the counter.

"I should probably take a quick shower and throw on some actual clothes so I can ride with you to the airport," she said as she placed her bowl in the sink.

"Oh?" As soon as the sound left him Finn held back a grimace.

"Yes, I assumed I would accompany you to the airport. Maybe not all the way there but at least on the subway to the AirTrain," Rachel replied hurriedly, clearly taken aback by the surprised tone that had bathed his response. "Unless you don't want me to," she added quietly, looking down at the floor."

"I do. I do want you to." He reached over and cupped her chin, tilting it so she'd look at him again. "Please, Rach."

Rachel leaned into his touch, her mouth slowly forming into a sad smile. She brought his hand away from her face and kissed his knuckle before heading for the bathroom.

So much for lighthearted, Finn thought, silently cursing his own idiocy. He returned to his breakfast when he heard the shower turn on. A moment later, a groggy Kurt appeared in the kitchen.

"Good morning to you too," Finn offered snarkily in the absence of any greeting from his brother. "How'd you sleep?"

"Surprisingly well, despite the fear that at any moment I'd be awoken by the noises of you two lovebirds." He shuddered, demonstrating the horror associated with that possibility.

"Dude, we didn't **do **anything," Finn insisted. "I thought you'd been clued in that we're taking it slow while we figure out the long-distance thing."

"Right, because acclimating to long-distance is where you should be directing your energy," Kurt offered with a sarcastic eye-roll.

"Kurt. Just don't, please." Finn craned his neck toward the bathroom. Even though the shower was clearly still running, he lowered his voice before continuing. "I'll figure out how to tell her, when it becomes necessary. Until then, what difference does it make?"

Kurt dramatically took a deep breath. "I stand by my position that this is a bad idea. But we're family, and I just want what's best for you and Rach. So I'll do my best to play along." He laced the last part with a healthy dose of disdain.

Finn laughed and shook his head at Kurt's dramatic and pessimistic view of the situation. Internally, of course, he prayed to Grilled Cheesus that his brother was wrong.

On their ensuing subway ride to Queens, Finn and Rachel sat next to each other with their hands intertwined and resting on his knee. She was quiet, occasionally emitting a wistful sigh and snuggling against his shoulder.

They disembarked from the subway and walked silently to the turnstile entrance to the AirTrain station.

"We can make this work, I know we can," Rachel said determinedly. It sounded as though she was mostly trying to convince herself to believe it.

"We definitely can," Finn said as resolutely as he could manage. Luckily his emotional state could easily be interpreted as the result of him leaving, instead of guilt and nervousness about the underlying circumstances.

Rachel engulfed him in a hug, with all the force her small body could muster. Finn willed himself to stay in the moment. He focused on Rachel and all the love she was pouring into the embrace. It actually made him relax a little. She had taken him back after all this time, much more willingly than he'd anticipated. He had nothing to worry about.

The AirTrain whooshed into the station and interrupted his moment of thought.

"I'll call you when I land," he promised, pulling up out of the hug and kissing her forehead.

Rachel reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him passionately, steadying herself with a hand on his chest. "You better," she said sternly, straightening out the color of his polo shirt.

Finn grinned and slung his duffel bag over his shoulder. Then he leaned over to give her one last kiss, this time just a peck on the lips.

He saw Rachel watching him as he entered the small futuristic tram car. She stood fixated in place as the doors closed and the train pulled away.

Once the AirTrain angled around the corner he let himself exhale. He had four weeks to pull this thing off.

* * *

Rachel sat on the R train, letting herself feel the exhaustion that came after a long day of rehearsal. It had been two weeks since she earned the off-Broadway role, and in another two weeks and two days the show would open. As soon as she told him the date of the first performance, Finn promised to visit that weekend.

Even from afar he had been so supportive. Every morning since he left New York she had received a text encouraging her to have a great day. They started out talking on the phone almost every night, but the past few days he had suddenly gotten very busy at work so they hadn't spoken in several nights. He alluded to possibly having his own good news about work soon, but wouldn't say anything more. She sighed as she thought of him, wishing for the necessary stars to align and make it so they could be closer to one another.

The train pulled into her stop and she exited the subway car. As she walked through the station toward the staircase that would take her to street level, a new poster on the wall caught her eye. She always looked at them to see what new plays and movies were being advertised, as research for both entertainment and occupational reasons.

This poster, though, grabbed her attention for another reason.

"Finn Hudson in the Morning," the top headline read. Below it was a picture of Finn, wearing a large headset and smiling adorably. Below his image it said "New York's new way to wake up. Coming soon!" Next to that were the call letters of both a radio station and the local cable-TV sports network.

Grumbling to herself, she took a picture of the poster on her phone. After storming the two blocks to her building she bursted into the apartment. This startled Kurt, who was sitting on the couch watching the evening news with a take-out container of sushi on his lap. Before he could swallow his mouthful of food and demand and explanation for her fury she shoved the phone in his face.

"Do you know anything about this?" she demanded.

Her roommate merely cowered beneath her, his eyes wide with shock.

AN2 from iGoToExtremes: We whipped up a few versions of what the poster for Finn's show might look like, so look for those on Tumblr somewhere.


	12. Chapter 12

AN from iGoToExtremes: Hello friends. Hope you're still with us after this extended break and you enjoy this next installment.

AN: from wants2beawriter: So sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: We do not own or have an affiliation with Glee or Fox.

* * *

Chapter 12

Do you know anything about this?" Rachel demanded.

Her roommate merely cowered beneath her, his eyes wide with shock.

"I asked you, do you know anything about this?" She barked again tossing her phone onto Kurt's lap.

"Rachel, first take a deep breath and let us discuss this like rational people." Kurt replied as he gestured for her to take a cleansing breath. Rachel scowled and grabbed her phone from his hand.

"Are you suggesting that I am somehow being irrational about my boyfriend - your _**brother**_- lying to me for weeks about his future relocation? Are you suggesting that I am being irrational in that he and I promised no more lies or secrets and he has immediately broken that promise? Are you suggesting-"

"Yes, yes I am, and before you open your mouth to rebuff my argument, you need to listen to his reasoning." Kurt argued as he calmly rose from the couch.

Rachel stared in disbelief. He knew. Kurt, her best friend, the one person besides Finn whom she trusted more than anything, had abused that unwavering trust.

She wouldn't - no, _**couldn't **_- listen to his excuses. "I do not have to do anything of the sort. You lied to me, Kurt. You knew this entire time that I was molding my life around a long distance relationship that wasn't even going to _**be**_long distance!"

"Yes, I knew and I'm sorry for not telling you. But honestly, if you can get past your indignant sense of betrayal… doesn't him moving here make life so much easier now?" He flashed a cautiously optimistic smile in her direction.

"Kurt… I can't even think beyond the fact that the two men who I loved the most in life _**lied **_to me about something so utterly important. I…I…" She couldn't talk to him. She needed to get out into the fresh air. She didn't wait for his response. She simply, in her old high school fashion, spun on her three-inch heels and stormed out the front door.

She was livid! No, she was beyond livid. She was incensed, infuriated, enraged! How could Finn do this to her? Hadn't they just weeks prior re-committed themselves to a relationship? A relationship that was supposed to be built upon trust and mutual respect; not half-truths and lies by omission!

As she walked she looked down at the picture on her phone and stopped mid-step, nearly getting herself run over by angry pedestrians behind her. She moved aside, away from the bustle of the sidewalk, so she could walk at her own pace. Examining the photo, she couldn't hold back the wistful grin. Finn was hosting his _**own **_radio show, in New York City, and the poster also seemed to indicate that it would be on cable TV. She thought back to their junior year of high school when he insisted that he wasn't "New York City good." Dramatic as it was, she closed her eyes tightly and transported herself back to that conversation. She had always believes that Finn could be New York City good or whatever kind of good he wanted to be. The secretive nature of his new opportunity notwithstanding, she was extremely proud of him that he'd found a fulfilling career and was experiencing continued success.

Having considered the larger implications, she started to give Finn the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he hadn't known he was moving until very recently? Maybe he had simply just found out right before the media blitz occurred? They hadn't actually spoken in the last couple of days other than their ritualistic "sleep well" and "good morning" text wishes, so it was plausible that he just hadn't had the opportunity to inform her of his newly secured position.

That must have been the reason, she deduced. He wouldn't mislead her or try to make a fool of her. They just hadn't had the chance to converse at length. She was going to correct that error immediately.

She hastily made her way through the busy street to a nearby café, ordered a tea (since even in New York it's impolite to simply borrow a table when there are paying patrons about) and dialed his number. He would tell her immediately and if he didn't she would coax it out of him, briefly making him feel guilty about not announcing his news as soon as he learned of it. Then, though, she'd promptly inform him of how ecstatic she was that he'd be able to relocate permanently. She truly missed him terribly and their lack of recent communication had been brutal.

She took a sip of her tea, wondering if she needed a Long Island one instead after this revelation. When she heard his voicemail pick up after the first ring, she knew she should have had the latter.

Maybe the universe was trying to tell her something. The truth was that she probably _**shouldn't **_talk to him until she had all the facts, given how volatile their relationship could be... and how volatile _**she**_could be.

She knew what she needed to do first, and that was face Kurt. She placed her money on the table and made her way back up the three blocks to their apartment building. If she knew Kurt like she thought she did, he would be sitting in the same spot, with a glass of wine ready for her. Which at the point she might have needed more than the truth. She let out a ragged breath as she entered the apartment to find Kurt exactly where she expected him, holding the glass of merlot in his hand.

"Have you calmed down or do you need a time out?" he said sourly.

She sighed and trudged over the couch, making sure not to spill the wine in the process.

"I had every right to be upset and no, I do not need a time out. You on the other hand need to tell me how you could keep this from me and better yet, how could _**he**_keep something so pivotal to our relationship a secret."

Kurt rolled his eyes and sipped his wine. "First off, I didn't tell you because my brother swore me to secrecy until he had everything in order. Second, we weren't conspiring behind your back. In fact, I wanted no part of any concealment of the truth, and urged him to tell you right away to avoid this exact predicament. Third, in all of this did you ask yourself _**why**_he might have been inclined to conceal this piece of information to you?"

Now it was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes. She placed her glass on the coaster. "Of course I asked myself why. After the initial shock wore off, I immediately began contemplating why he would have kept this from me. It isn't as if I would have been perturbed, in fact I would have been elated to learn he was moving back here."

"Right, so again, what's the melodrama is for? He's moving here, you are ecstatic, so why not just inform him that you know and we can all move forth with our fabulous lives." Kurt said with a dramatic sigh. "As much as I love you and my brother, your childish games are wearing thin."

"I am so sorry that my problems are a bother to you. I will refrain from discussing them with you any further." Rachel said hotly as she quickly stood from the couch, only to hear Kurt exhale loudly.

"Really Rachel? Are we going to play these ridiculous games? You love him and he loves you, and for two people who want to make this relationship work you both are constantly putting obstacles in the way-" she started to speak but he held up his hand, silencing her - "no, let me finish. Was he wrong not telling you about his impending move? Absolutely, and I told him so. But on the other hand, can you honestly blame him for wanting to see how things played out between the two of you?"

"What are you implying?"

"I am not implying anything, I am simply stating the obvious," Kurt scoffed. "Before he arrived and you 'reconnected' - and I use that term loosely given exactly how that happened - I wasn't even allowed to utter his name, let alone discuss his life."

"I…" She didn't even know where to begin in response.

"Tell me that isn't the case?" When she opened and closed her mouth quickly without a retort of any kind Kurt smirked and continued, now pacing as he spoke.

"So, it was taboo for me to discuss him with you even though he was my family. Then he came back, you two _**reconnected**_ in the most intimate of fashions, and then whilst becoming your temporary sexual plaything he found out about his new job opportunity. And you know what, Ms. Berry? Finn should have been giddy like a teenage girl getting her first pair of Jimmy Choos, but he wasn't. Because of your recent career struggles, he was only concerned with how his good news would affect _**you**_." He paused, clearly trying to emphasize his point by letting the words hang in the air as he took a sip of his wine.

Rachel looked down at her own glass, unsure of what to say in response. Luckily for her, Kurt wasn't done.

"Then, after getting your own big break, you decided you _**wanted**_ a full-fledged relationship with Finn! Except, for career purposes you unilaterally determined that long-distance would work better. The whole ordeal threw him for quite the loop... although in your defense, it doesn't take much to confuse him. When he informed me of the ironic turn of events, I suggested that he simply tell you his news, honesty being the best policy and all. But since life was finally going your way for a change, he didn't want to disrupt that for you. He didn't want you to feel pressured by his impending relocation in any way – professionally _**or **_emotionally. He believed if you had time to get used to the two of you being a couple, it would prevent you from running scared in the other direction when he actually moved here. Basically, he didn't want it to appear that he was moving at lightning speed just in case you opted for more of a molasses pace. Moreover, he didn't want to flaunt his success in your face, for fear that it might make you wary of your own career status."

Rachel blinked her eyes rapidly as she processed everything Kurt had just said. "He…he was trying to protect me from myself?"

Kurt shrugged, picked up his wine and took a long sip. "Sorry, my diatribe left me parched. Yes. In his eyes he was protecting you, I'm not sure from whom, but protection nonetheless. Now that we have all of that squared away, can we go get a real drink like we planned?"

Rachel stared down at her phone. All she really wanted was to talk to Finn, but after hearing their whole recent relationship saga summarized so concisely by Kurt, it was probably best that she blow off some steam before they actually spoke about the heavier things confronting their relationship.

"Sure."

Rachel knew that Kurt had been under a lot of stress at work and was looking forward to their planned night out all week. She didn't anticipate, however, that he'd get completely trashed in less than an hour and she'd have to take care of his intoxicated ass.

"Isn't this a _delightful_ incidence of role-reversal?" he exclaimed as they trudged down Broadway from the East Village bar to their SoHo apartment. "You, Rachel Berry, Queen of the Drunken Hysterics" – he raised his hands in an exaggerated flourish – "taking care of the usually reserved and docile Kurt Hummel."

Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed, loudly. "Yes Kurt, I am the childish one, while you are always the voice of reason." She knew he was too far gone to note the tone of sarcasm, but she wasn't. In fact, she barely had a buzz, which was truly disappointing given the day she'd had. She glanced at Kurt who was spinning in circles as they walked along the darkened street; she just groaned and pulled his arm. When had she become a parent? "KURT!" She shouted, garnering the attention of fellow partiers, but whatever, she had enough to deal with and crap, now he was singing show tunes. Could this get any worse?

"Rach…Rach…RACHEL!" He stammered boisterously, tugging at her arm. "Are you still upset about my wayward brother and his…" he paused, his eyes widening as he leaned forward so they were barely inches away from her own, fabulous liquor breath right in her face, "…his you know…secret?" He added in a loud, drunk whisper. Rachel winced and pushed him back slightly.

"No, I am not upset, rather hurt that he felt the need to keep something so important from me. I understand at one point in time I might have felt threatened or even dare I say jealous of his success, but I had hoped we put those insecurities behind us. Apparently not and I seriously need another drink…or twelve." Rachel said with a shake of her head.

"Well, if another drink is what you need, then another drink you shall have!" Kurt responded giddily, then squeezed her cheeks, like one would do to a child, "Anything for my Rachy." Now she visibly cringed and stalked towards the apartment with Kurt skipping behind her.

After helping him stumble into the apartment Rachel grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter and poured a very very large glass, downing it quickly, followed by another. If she was going to survive drunken Kurt she would have to be drunk right along with him. So, forty-five minutes later when they were sprawled on the couch, both very happily intoxicated Kurt slurred, "I…I think you need to talk to him…" Rachel just lolled her head to the side staring blankly at him. "FINN! I am talking about FINN! You….you need to call him."

Rachel shook her head, feeling the room spin slightly. "No, no, I…I am too gone to talk to him tonight. I might say something I'll regret." Wow, she was even responsible toasted. She must have been maturing.

"You're probably right, but…but you need…oooh, I've got it." When Rachel quirked a brow at him he continued animatedly, "Call him tomorrow when he is on the air! That way…you can confront him and he can't make a stink about it."

"And why on earth would I do something like that?"

Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes in his typical dramatic way and it was way funnier when he was drunk. "Because, then he would know you know without him thinking it was me that told you."

"Right and you say that I am self-centered. Also, that doesn't make any sense." She asked pointedly.

"Well…maybe so, but what he did _was wrong_ and he _did_ hurt you, so I think to make things right, you need to get it out of your system. It isn't like you are going to paint him blue or anything."

Rachel stared at him a second before breaking out into a fit of hysterical laughter. "Blue…where…why…" She watched as Kurt tried to hold a straight face, failing miserably. He shook his head and crumbled into a matching fit of giggles.

"I…I…have no…idea."

When Rachel fell back onto her bed, still quite buzzed, she noticed the flashing envelope on her cell phone. With a quick click she felt her heart literally sink into her stomach when she saw that she'd missed a call from Finn a few hours prior. After that he'd sent a text.

{ Sorry if you tried to call before, I was in a meeting that ran late. Was hoping to talk before I passed out but I'm exhausted. We'll talk tomorrow, I promise. :-* }

His usage of the cute kissy-face made her smile. Who was she trying to fool? She missed him beyond words and she _was _thrilled he would be moving to New York. But at the same time, he did lie by omission and that hurt, probably more than it should have. She rolled back onto her side and scrolled through the photos on her phone, staring at one they had taken right before he left. She sighed and bit her lip. She could call and wake him up, but talking to a half-awake Finn wasn't going to get her anywhere. No, she wanted him laying her with her, holding her until they both fell asleep. She wanted to wake up and know he was making coffee in the kitchen and not several hours away. He obviously wanted that too, which just made it more peculiar that he didn't tell her about his upcoming move so they could plan and make arrangements. Even if she was sober she probably couldn't figure out the Finn-logic that prioritized concealment of the truth for the sake of protecting her ego. The thought was nice, but if she knew their separation was going to be so short lived she wouldn't have missed him as much, and the other career-related stuff existed separate and apart from their progress as a couple.

Then she thought back to what Kurt said, about teaching him a lesson. Smiling slyly to herself, she opened her laptop and started on some necessary research.


End file.
